Is It Exercise?

Again, why do I continue to post about the gym? Maybe it's because that's where I spend a pathetic 1/3 of my free time? Just when you think it can't get worse, the dreaded "beast" is reintroduced. . .
Rather than continue down this path of discussing my distaste for "The Beast", I'd like to chat about another "exercise" that I did at the gym for only the third time in history.
I had this crazy thought at about 6:00 last night: "It's been a while, maybe I should go and take that yoga class again at the gym. . ." FALSE. I should NOT go and take that yoga class at the gym, no matter how long it has been. There, it is documented. Maybe I'll remember next time.
In hopes of eliminating a seriously emotional rant about this topic, I decided to make a list of why I hate yoga (this primarily stems from the fact that I am really horrible at it. In fact, I might just make a t-shirt that says "I suck at Yoga". Everyone else was doing 'downward facing dog' and I was doing 'pathetic puppy'. However, I know it's the 'trendy' thing so for you yoga lovers that are reading, I apologize but for the time being, go find your chi somewhere else). Here we go. . .
Problems with Yoga:
1. No shoes OR socks. Not only is it ridiculous that you can't wear shoes while you 'exercise', but you can't wear socks either and that's just gross. . . especially when you just saw that guy in the gym running on the treadmill. please keep your sweaty feet covered. (Side note, if you need a quick foot fact about how much your feet actually DO sweat, check in with Matthew).
2. "It's all about breathing" is a hoax. It's not all about breathing. Life is about breathing - that's how you survive. Yoga is about stretching and balancing and twisting and looking like a total idiot in a room of flexible people.
3. Old people are better at yoga than most people. Any activity where the elderly can outperform most people (yoga) or children can be intimidating (snowboarding, ice skating) is completely off limits for me. I don't like being scared by either end of the spectrum.
4. What did she say? Yoga titles are not english or anything even understandable. In fact, the teacher made a joke about us being able to speak 'script' to which everyone else chuckled like it was an inside joke that only yoga master's would get (ok, I admit it - I laughed to so that I would fit in. I didn't get it, but I laughed. You know, that 'I'm totally out of place' laugh. . . )
5. It's totally relaxing. Again, FALSE. It is not relaxing. It's actually pretty uncomfortable when you are trying to "find your center" or whatever. The only part that was mildly relaxing was the end when we just layed there. Everything in the middle was a horrible mess. . . pushing and pulling and straps and blocks. I was SWEATING! What ever happened to breathing?

The list could go on but I will end here. I know you are thinking that this couldn't possibly be as bad as I say, but it was and if you don't believe me, you try pulling your foot to the back of your head and tell me how 'relaxed' you are. What a joke.