Isn't that personal?

I have been waiting for blogger NOT to be broken so that I could tell the funnist, yet weirdest story from yesterday.

Steph and I (in our new cube arrangement) sit around a corner from each other. It's sad that we no longer share a wall but luckily, we are still privy to some of the same experiences. . . like the one that happened yesterday. In an area between the two of us sits 'The Temp', as she is lovingly referred to. Steph has blogged about this special girl before and her hallway habits (she doesn't get a cube, she sits at a table in the hall) which include but are not limited to evesdropping, leaving her chair pushed out in the middle of the hall so it's a nucense to us all, talking to herself and finally, and most important to this story, talking about her personal life REALLY, REALLY loudly on the phone.

I guess nobody told her that it's Datamark culture to take your personal calls in the shop? It's really not a more 'secure' area per se as anyone could walk by and hear you talking to your potential new boss, but it is more private as nobody works out there full time. Well, because of this training oversight on our part, we've been able to hear the temp talk about her sick mother on a daily basis (we took a vote and we DO feel bad, so we aren't heartless. . . it's just hard to listen to!), her car issues and the conversation to end all conversations. . . her love life.
Yesterday, the usual ruckus was happening and I heard her on the phone. I wasn't really paying attention until the conversation started getting ugly. As soon as my curiousity was peaked, the Instant Messenger fired up:

Stephanie: Are you hearing this?
Carlee: Yeah. . . holy crap!
Stephanie: Is she breaking up with her boyfriend in the middle of the hallway?
Carlee: Yeah. . . holy crap!
Sidenote: Yes, I am aware that Stephanie is much more eloquent in expressing her interest than I am but I couldn't say anything else!

It was happening folks. The temp was having a lover's quarrel on her phone in the middle of the hall! This day was about to get good. . . Just as an FYI, this conversation took place at the early hour of 9:30 am and lasted for at least 25 minutes. Some of the best 'break-up fight' lines were used so there was no disappointment in this one. The gloves reall came off and I have to give props for the most cliche arguement that I maybe have ever heard.

In honor of The Oscars last Sunday, I'd like to present the nominees for 'Best Cliche Line in a Hallway Fight'. And the nominees are:

• 'You are so childish. . . '
• 'Why? Because I said so! That's why!'
• 'You WILL listen to what I have to say whether you like it or not and you know what, you won't like it!'
• 'You know why you think that? Because you are selfish and you always have been.'
• 'You're only doing this because it's your defense mechanism. . .'
  

and finally. . .

• 'I am not even going to discuss this with you!'

The vote are in and the winner of the 'Best Cliche Line in a Hallway Fight' goes to. . . . 'You know why you think that? Because you are selfish and you always have been.' And the crowd roars. . . .

Anytime you say the word 'selfish' in a fight, while you are talking loudly in the middle of the hall, while people are trying to work, you automatically are issued 15 ironic points which catapults you into the lead.

Any other favorites from this conversation? If your favorite cliche fight line isn't here, hit me with it. I'm so amused. . .

Best Conversation of the Week

Amanda: Hey Dan.
Dan: Can we talk for a second about SJVC?
Amanda: Sure.
Dan: What the hell?
Amanda: I don't know.
Dan: Ok.

At this point Dan walked away. So it goes. . .

I knew it!

Thanks to Todd, I now have imperical proof that my job is sucking the very life out of me. Ok, maybe it's not 'imperical' per se and it's more like sucking the brains out of me than the life. . . but they overlap, right?
Just when you thought it was safe to go to that meeting. . . check this out!

Only in the Movies??

So you know that scene in the Sex and the City opener when Sarah Jessica Parker is walking and gets completely soaked by a bus. Well, in no way was a wearing a tutu and in no way was I in downtown Manhattan. . .but in the most important aspects of the story, that, my friends, was me this morning. If you thought this crap only happened in the movies (like I did as recently as 8:30 this morning), I'm hear to burst your reality bubble. It happens. . . in real life. Here's how it all shook out:

I stopped and bought an orange juice this morning - hoping to bring a little sunshine to this overcast and snowy day. I put the bottle of oj on my passenger seat and proceeded to work. As often happens, the oj was not content with staying on the passenger seat and rolled between the seat and the door. Now that I look back, it was an omen - sent to tell me that something was weird about that passenger door and that I should stay away. Ignored it.

When I pulled into work, I noticed that the parking lot was particularly slushy (yes, that's the technical word for it) and new it would be a pain to traipse around my car to go a dig out my oj. In one last attempt to save my shoes from being soaked (an annoyance that I'm sure we have all dealt with), I reached across the passenger seat to see if I could fingertip my way to victory and retrieve my beverage. Failure. I pushed it further under the seat. It was time to admit defeat and go around and get my oj.

After making my way rather skillfully around the car and retrieving my drink, I turned to head inside. Just as I tuned, I heard a familiar but not automatically recognizable sound. The thought process and senseless four second elimination began: airplane, no. . . diesel, no. . .lawn mower, snowing. . .got it! And then as the panic set in, it was too late. Enter this bad boy:

Yup. Snowplow. That's it! Just as my excitement of winning my internal guessing game came to fruition, it was washed away. . . literally. In a matter of two seconds, I went from being a dry, orange juice drinker to a wet, plow bullied pedestrian. I was soaked.

In my fear, I had thrown my purse up in front of my face to make an attempt at protecting my makeup and my punk-rocker hair that I so meticulously did this morning. Hair, ok. Makeup, ok. Purse, not so ok. The outside is still wet (a few hours later) and the inside, well, let's just say that paper products and water do not a good combo make.

No, I didn't get mad. It was too late. I was already wet so what good would being mad do? Nothing. I laughed. . . really hard. I think it was because of my good attitude that I had some good fortune. The water, surprisingly, was not dirty (how that happens in the center of a SICK parking lot, I don't know). But, the white sweatshirt angels were watching out for me because my shirt still looks pretty clean, even after being covered in sick parking lot water! Nothing was ruined completely and my purse will recover.

Only in the movies? I think not. . . Happy Friday all!

Is it just me?

So it's been a while - and oooohhhhh, how I've missed my blog. After having a positively busy week (with the exception, of course, being the ever popular Valentine's Day on which I had no date), I have finally found time to blog again!

Sidenote - Valentine's Day was actually pretty good this year so I'm in no way, shape or form complaining about my lack of date. I started out the day with an interesting observation that Valentine's Day actually has the same initials as a sick STD, which was funny enough to send via text to everyone that I know, of course. . . or so I thought! Then I spent the night making waffles and having an intense run-in with a girl at an ice cream place (her name was Sarah and she was awful at her job, ranting and raving like she may die before the night was through) all while hanging out with my unbelievably rad friends. All I have to say is good times.
Back to the blog. . .

So I work in West Valley which is affectionately known as the arm pit of Salt Lake Valley because of it's often pungent aroma from the lake effect and/or the homeless people scattered throughout as well as it's high crime rate. There are more cheap cars with free-spinning wheels per capita in West Valley than anywhere in the US (OK, that's a made-up statistic but it's probably pretty close). Bottom line, it's kind of a trash hole.

Anyway, because I work in West Valley I often find myself needing to patron the business establishments in the city during my lunch hour. In addition to going on the ever-popular hunt for food, a girl has got to run errands occasionally. I try to use my lunch hour for the greater good and check-off some nagging items on my to-do list. You know, pick up film, fill up the gas tank, get a baby shower gift, etc.

Today was just one of those days where I had to set out to accomplish something on my lunch hour. The Mission: to get copies made. The Target: Staples. Estimated Completion Time: 25 minutes (and I really think that was generous?) Lesson Learned: I now know that I should have listened to Stephanie and gone to Kinkos. I was wrong. Synopsis: Did you know that copiers have a hard time with card stock? Well they do. At least this one. . . ok two. . . did. Why would they have problems at a place that offers you card stock to copy on? Because I'm me and they can't ever NOT have problems. My copies jammed the first machine and wouldn't work in the second machine so the copy girl (so she came to be known) went back to the first machine. Then, the battle became which side went which direction and face up or down in order to do two-sided copies. Do you think if you work at a copy place, you would generally pick up on something like that after a day or so? I would think so. . but then I don't make copies for a living. I quickly realized it was not the task itself that was difficult. It was the competent worker that made it so. Final Time for Completion: 1 hour. That's right, 1 hour and 20 copies later. . . I was on my way back to work having not accomplished the other lunchtime errands I had to get done.

So, this little escapade got me thinking about the last 6 months of errand running and the trouble that I've had getting things done. I stated wondering: Is it me? Am I an incompetent consumer? Do I not know how to shop correctly? Am I searching for the impossible when I shop? Then my senses kicked in. Pish, posh. I have a blackbelt in shopping and a second one in customer service. I can shop. I'm not looking for shoes at Staples. I'm looking for copies dang it! Not unreasonable. So maybe it's the high standards that I have set that make anything less than great an abysmal failure? Read on and you decide if my complaints are unwarranted. I've made a list of these fiascoes below:

Tried to get a new cell phone from Cingular only after they sent me a text with an offer for a free upgrade. The guy that worked there asked me 'what I wanted' when I walked in. . Bad start. Did they have the phone? Nope. Did the guy even know what I was talking about? Nope. Did he try to give me their regular free phones that they have in a crate in the box? Yes he did. Does that sound like an upgrade? I didn't think so either.

Went to Quiznos to get a delicious salad that is an important part of their menu. You know what they were out of? Lettuce. Salad minus lettuce equals disappointment.

Second trip to Quiznos a couple of months later, this time looking for a delicious toasted sub. That selling point IS Quiznos, is it not? Well, to my dismay, the oven was broken. No toasty for me or my com padres. Toasted is Quiznos, Quiznos is toasted. What the crap? Quiznos is to toasted like lettuce is to salad. . .

Meineke, oil change. Left my car at the Meineke in West Valley while we went to lunch down the street. I came back an hour later to pick up my car and here's the conversation that took place: Carlee: 'Is my car done?' Meineke Man: 'We're waiting on the oil.' Carlee: 'Huh?' Meineke Man: 'We are out of oil. We've got some being delivered.' How does a place like that run out of oil? They must have been expecting me. After waiting for another 15 minutes I finally asked 'Where is the oil being delivered from?' Meineke Man: 'Oh, right there from Pep Boys.' During this time, Meineke Man was point across the parking lot to their neighboring store Pep Boys. Did anyone walk over there an get the oil? Nope. They were content waiting for it to be delivered. . .and it was. 10 minutes later, we watched as the Pep Boys driver loaded the oil in the back of a truck and DROVE it across the parking lot. Yep. . . it was amazing.

Ok, so now the question. . .am I crazy in thinking that this is an odd chain of events? Does this stuff happen often? It seems like I am going all of the right places to accomplish the things I am trying to get done but nothing seems to be working. What can you do?

Bag of Bones

No, I'm not talking about the next sequel in the Pirates of the Caribbean series. . . although that really would be a good title, eh? I'm talking about her - the girl at my work that I have made reference to in my blog before. You remember, she's the one that sat at work and complained (loudly) that she just couldn't find clothes that were small enough to fit her (growl. . .). How lame.

Anyway, thanks to the worst transition ever held at work, we moved cubicles at work and now, rather than hear her morning rant about clothing or food storage or her allergies, she's at the other end of the building telling other people who don't care either! It's so great! I couldn't hear her even if I wanted to. . . which is less likely to happen than me ever complaining about not finding clothes that are small enough. What a blessing.

Sadly, also thanks to this transition, I am now working on the same team that she spends most of her time working on. Luckily, I don't do that much with her but I do now run into her in meetings every now and again. . . like this very fateful morning.

Long story short, I had to take my laptop into the meeting so that we could project something and my desktop picture is this lovely photo of your friend and mine from The Office - Dwight. He's nerdy and lovable all at the same time. Thanks for sending this Nat - I love it!

So anyway, of course this sparked some good conversation about tonight's episode (Shameless Plug - go Jim and Pam! "Give the people what they want!"). Another guy that we worked with asked B.O.B. if she watched The Office to which she quickly replied "No thanks. . . that is the dumbest show ever! Why would anyone watch that?"

Now, I'm not usually one to get offended but DO NOT say things like that when I clearly am obsessed. That's like telling a girl that just cut her hair off that all short hair is ugly. Would you do it? No. Why? Because you have tact - which appears to be a train that B.O.B. seriously missed out on. I don't even think she bought a ticket. I was so unnerved that I wanted to eat something in front of her and ask her how it felt to be allergic to everything. Rude, I know. But I couldn't help it. . . the fiery pit of anger was back - just like when I used to hear about her allergies.

Dwight is right - its all about determination. . .determination to make her pay. I feel like there is another stapler that should go in Jell-O. Anyone want in?

Theme it out

January 2007 Theme: 'I hope life isn't a BIG JOKE, because I don't get it.' (thanks for the inspiration Eric)

February 2007 Theme: 'Heck yes!'

Just as a status update. . . things are getting better. Clearly. . .

Random Stuff

What am I doing right now? Sitting in on the lamest phone call maybe ever. Don't get me wrong, the information is really good for the other parties involved. Me? I don't really care about how to talk to Military personnel when you are a rep at a school. 'Why would you not care about such a thing?' you may be asking? Well, let me tell you:

1. I will never be an admissions rep at a school. No desire to do it at all. I'd probably rather work at Wal-Mart and you all know my raging feelings about that. and. . .

2. I will never have the guts to be in the Military. I pay my taxes so that other brave souls will be in the Military and be compensated so that they can go to school. I would sooner take my chances in a chicken fight with a train than join the Military. My personal odds of survival are better. I'm admitting right now - I'm too scared to go to war, too lazy to run that much, too girly to shoot anything and way too opinionated to be yelled at. Mad props to all of those folks that are brave enough to join up and protect my sorry rear-end. I vow here and now to continue to pay my taxes so that the GI Bill will continue to exist.

I had trouble coming up with a title to this blog because I didn't have anything in particular to talk about - I just felt like writing. So, 'Random Stuff' it is. Some thoughts I've had over the last little while (by no means ordered by subject matter or importance). . .

• We were trying to figure out the name of that show on PBS that had the mannequin and Muffy the mouse and it just hit me. It's Today's Special. Jeff, Jodie, Sam and Muffy. Good times.
• Remember that part on Napolean Dynamite where Pedro says 'I like her bangs.'? Well, I like my bangs. In fact, I don't know how I survived without them for so many years. They add dimension to my hair and I like that.
• Best television show of all time still belongs to The Office. There is no better comedy ever written or played, period.
• I like straight shooters - people who get right to the point and tell it like it is. Granted, I don't like them so much when the news is harsh AND it's directed at me, but I think I get over it pretty fast. Maybe my sudden liking has to do with my new years resolution to be brave and go after what I want, I don't know. But, I think it's the best way to be.
• I have cold hands. . . a lot. I don't know what the issue is. It's not like I have particularly long arms so the circulation struggles or something. They are just cold. . . and I hate it. Every time my hands get cold, the skin looks like it stretches (because really the muscles just shrink) and then I have grandma hands. Ok, not totally. . . but a little.
• I would die without the internet and email. Quite literally, I think that I would. This is evidenced by the fact that my Outlook was down from 4:00 yesterday to 10:45 this morning and I felt like I was missing an arm. How does a person become THAT dependent on a computer? I feel like it's my everything - ok, it is my everything. Which is why I bought a snazzy new laptop of my own (here it is) rather than always relying on work's to get my stuff done. I love it. . . except for the 'transferring files from my old computer' thing but that has been made easier thanks to my dear friend Gib and his external hard drive. Heaven bless technology! Anyone want to buy a 'slightly used' Sony Vaio?
• Meredith Vieira on the Today Show = better than I thought. I was an avid Couric fan but Mer is really doing it for me. . . mainly because she isn't so serious that it hurts. I like her - and I don't care what anyone has to say about it.
• Latest television craze (besides The Office and Grey's) = Dateline: To Catch a Predator. Am I so sick because I love this show? I hope not because I DO love it. Mainly I like seeing these sick perves get arrested and cry like little kids when they realize that now EVERYONE knows they are perverts. What an idea! Who would have thought that 13 year old jailbait actually worked. These guys aren't just sick - they are idiots.

Ok, that was a good spout of random thoughts. I feel so much better.

Money, money, money, money. . .MONEY!

So, I just read through my last blog and boy was I a downer or what? Well, rightfully so, I think. BUT, the winds are changing. That's right - I'm in a good enough mood to quote a Disney movie (Mary Poppins for those of you who didn't get that)! It's the start of February and you know what that means? Serious cash intake. That's right. . . it's bonus and tax time. I am sitting square in the middle of cash flow and I don't really know what to do with myself. Goodness, this is the best luck that I've had in some time. Here's what I'm talking about:

1. Unexpected Bonus at work. What makes it so great? The fact that it was 100% unexpected! All we've heard all year is that we aren't making our goals financially so all we've joked about all year is that we have a snowball's chance of getting any sort of a bonus; even the thought of a frozen turkey was out of the question (for all of you DMers, you know what I'm saying). But, out of the blue last week we get an email saying that we are getting a piece of the department pie. . . that's right. I was so excited that I almost peed a little! (Ok, not really but I think that you can glean my level of excitement from that phrase.) The only downer - it's taxable. I share Steph's sentiments when she says 'Man, do I wish that bonus would've gone straight to my pocket!' Agreed, little grasshopper. . . agreed.

2. TAXES! I got my taxes done already and you know what happens when you pay sick amounts of interest on your house? You get a chunk of it back! How great is that? Plus, thank heavens for that charitable contributions line, eh? For all you kids out there, it really does pay to pay your tithing. Wahoo! Hawaii. . .here I come. Ok, I was actually coming already but now I can actually afford it!

Bottom line, February is kicking January's butt so far and we are only 5 days in. Please say this is going to continue. . . please say this is going to continue. . .