One of My Favorite Things

Nope, I'm not talking about the over-sized PEZ dispenser I got for Christmas (although I do very much enjoy that too!). . . I am talking about those moments in life that just make you step back and say 'Whhhhaaaaaatttt?' I had such a moment this weekend.

I've officially notched one more mark in my post-high school 'that was an awkward but so great encounter' pole. I am talking about those moments that you just want to tell everyone about and even though nobody REALLY cares, they can relate. There is usually some sort of snotty 'revenge' factor involved and I thrive on it - sad, but true. I'm sure many of you have heard about my first glorious moment on this list with the basketball player from high school that I ran into while I was buying ice cream for people at work and he was the one serving it. Yeah, that's right. Baskin Robins baby!

So, this weekend's encounter happened with one of my old teachers from elementary school. Although she was one of my favorites, she did make an attempt to scar me for life by asking me not to raise my hand so much in class. (For those of you who don't get it yet, I was a mild kiss up in school. I knew I was smart. . .and I wanted everyone else to know that too, I guess? Man, I was a brat. Over it. . . I hope.) Yes, she actually asked me not to raise my hand so much because the other kids feel intimidated. For you elementary school teachers out there, this is NOT a good tactic. Asking a kid to stop trying in school before they are even in Jr High (or ever really) is not the brightest idea. Good thing I didn't listen. . . ok really, it's a good thing that my parents had some four letter words to say about it so I continued to raise my hand. Anyway, no permanent damage but I will never forget. . .

So, I happened to run into this teacher at a large retailer the morning after Christmas. . . ok, ok it was Wal-Mart. Whew, that feels better now that I've aired my dirty laundry. I went to Wal-Mart to buy storage tubs. Anyway, the run-in happened at the check-out counter and this was the conversation:

Teacher: 'It's. . . Carlee. . . right?'
Carlee: 'Yeah, how are you?'
Teacher: 'Good. What are you up to?'

Story Pause: silly me, I thought she was talking about what I was doing in life, not right this second. Otherwise, I would have said 'Buying storage tubs.' But instead, I said:

'Oh, just working and playing and living. You know, the normal.'

Here's the kicker. . . wait for it. . . to which she said 'Oh, so you work here?' with a look of total disdain on here face.

Inside Carlee monologue: 'No!!! I do NOT work at Wal-Mart! Did you see a blue vest because I'm sure not wearing one! In addition, even if I did work there I wouldn't tell you after that horrible look you just gave me. . . trying to crush my hopes for my non-existent retail future just like you did to my education in 5th grade!'

At the risk of offending anyone who does work at this fine retail establishment, I have nothing against your job. I say do what you do. All I am saying is that when someone tells you what they are 'doing', no matter what the answer, don't ever look disgusted. Ever. It doesn't matter if they say that they are working at a strip joint. Love it, embrace it, welcome it. Don't offend someone by looking like you just smelled bad milk. It's rude and if you do it, you should be shot.

To make a really long story short, I did proceed to tell her what my job is but in retrospect, I almost wished I hadn't. I wished I had invented some story about how I was on work-release from the jail and that I was only granted work release because I had to take care of my three kids. Imagine THAT face, huh?

I did chuckle to myself as I left Wal-Mart, knowing that I am fortunate enough after 3 years of work to be in a better place than she is after 20. She was so smug, I had to get some satisfaction out of that. Baskin Robins and Wal-Mart. . . man, life is good.

Holiday Sentiments. . .

So last week I promised that I would break out of my 'trying to be funny' shell and deliver and emotion-packed holiday blog. Well, Christmas has come and gone and I didn't get to blog at all over the present-stuffed, food-filled, glorious weekend that I had. It was THAT good - I couldn't even blog. But, I am going to try and tone down the humor a bit for this one so stay with me.

As I said, this weekend was filled with great things - family, friends, presents (call me spoiled, I don't care) and so much good food that my training is completely thrown off whack but at least I have leftover lunch today - nothing better. Shameless Plug: I don't care what anyone says, my mother makes the best potato salad, hands down. I know this may spark debate but I will win because she does.

Anyway, in the midst of all the pandemonium, it gets difficult for me to sit back and pay attention to what it all means. I'm like a kid in a candy store really - I love everything so much that I can't really decide what I am most grateful for. That very thought brought so much irony with it that I couldn't help but share. . . I have so many blessings in my life that it starts getting difficult to be grateful for it all.

I often think about what it is that brought me to this place (for you sarcasm enthusiasts: no, not my desk at work and yes, I know it was my car that 'brought me here') in my life. Why was it that I was born in the great place and time that I was born in? Why do I have a house and a job and a family (crazy as they can be at times) and the ability to maintain an excellent standard of living? Why am I not that homeless woman on the street or in that family that struggles to make ends meet every month? Have you ever thought about that? What is it that determined your place in life? Was it choices that were made or sheer dumb luck or maybe something more. . .it's a slight tangent but something to ponder none-the-less.

I thought about what it is that makes this season so 'magical', if you will, and I can really only come back to one thing - belief. Christmas gives people the chance to believe in something and whether it's God or Santa or simply believing in the good nature of people, it makes a difference. Believing in something brings hope and offers peace in an otherwise chaotic world. People become kinder, softer somehow. Genuine emotions can be shared without reservation or judgment. It's that belief in a greater good that does that.

At the risk of continuing on and botching this more than I already have, I will sign off shortly. I know that I rambled but that's where we are at without humor. . . rambling (at this point - I hope it gets better). I am utterly grateful for all that I have, especially the people that I have in my life. 'Things' are wonderful and I am glad that I have them, but more so, I am grateful for my friends and family. Those people that always have something to offer me when I need it - emotionally, spiritually and otherwise. I know that they aren't in my life by accident. Nothing is in my life by accident. We should live with purpose and on purpose. That is my resolution.

SPAM-alot

This might be the most ironic blog that I have posted yet, seeing as how I do work in an industry that utilizes e-mail communication to the masses. 'We send out emails to our prospective students in order to maintain. . . .' blah, blah, blah. Bottom line, we are spammers. Those emails that you get 10 copies of over the course of 3 days. . . yeah, that's my company. Sidebar - I am not directly responsible for these emails and cannot be held accountable for your mailbox being over it's size limit so don't hate.

Anyway, back to my point about this being ironic. The background on this takes a minute so please be patient. Additional warning - this is in no way meant to be sacrilegious. . . just truthful observations.

The tirade that I am bringing to the table today was spawned by a conversation with my good buddy Vale. Vale is a long-time friend and as such, still has my original email address that, embarrassingly enough makes reference to a time when 'Friends' was still on TV and it was popular to quote it. Anyway (again), Vale was kind enough to shoot me an email and in my response, I started to tell him that I was lucky that I saw it because that address is now my official 'Junk Email Address' - you know, the place where you send everything that you signed up for or needed an email address for like Ticketmaster or Delta Airlines? (You can usually pick out if a person sent you to their junk address by the email address itself. If it's their name @yahoo, you are typically ok. If it's something like cutiepie36@hotmail.com or lovestransformers@aol.com, you can pretty much bet that you have been junked.)

So this conversation got me thinking about the mass amounts of SPAM that I get every day at this email address and how it's nothing short of a miracle that the account hasn't expired. (I'd like to thank MSN Today for reminding me on a daily basis that I need to empty it.) I get all sorts of stuff to this address but there is one major violator when it comes to SPAM. You know who it is? My grandmother. Nope, that wasn't a typo. That's right world, my grandmother is a spammer and one of the worst kinds! Not only do I get email (strike that, I very RARELY get an actual email that she has written and if I do, it's to the whole free world) after story after poem after pictures of cute kittens hugging puppies , the emails usually have some sort of religious bottom-line that is hidden in the depths of the sign-off.

Again, this is where this could go astray. I am a religious person. I believe in God. I respect Him and the fact that He gives us blessings. I do not, however, think that He starts or even really condones SPAM.

I'm sure you have all seen what I am talking about - you get some random email that talks about friendship or some inherently good moral value and then the email is ruined by the line 'If you love Jesus, you will forward this to everyone you know. If you don't love Jesus and hate all people, you will delete this.' Now, is that really fair? Just because I don't feel like spamming my friends with some 40 page story doesn't mean that I hate Jesus and all people. In fact, I would argue that I love humanity more by stopping this INSANITY! Besides, I am yet to see the 11th commandment that states 'Thou shalt forward all emails about ______ (insert moral value here) post haste.' Yup, that fits right up there with 'Thou shalt not kill.'

I will even give you the fact that these uplifting emails do have their place - every once in a while and without the shameless reference to religious icons. I can take emails that are about religion and ones that are good-hearted stories. . . every once in a while. . .BUT without the side of guilt, please! No need.

And I'm back in the game. . .

So, a few people have noticed by absence from Blogger over the last while. I have to tell you, I have not abandoned my new favorite hobby nor do I intend to. The pressure was just too much. 'What pressure?' you may be asking? The pressure to be FUNNY!
I don't know if you have noticed but my blog links to the blogs of some of the funniest people that I know. (If you haven't noticed, you should check them out. Just a warning, you might pee a little.) So, being surrounded by hillarious people has sent me into a tailspin. I'm surrounded by whit and I am a dud. I can't let my readers down. Nothing amusing has really happened in my life. What is a blogger to do?
Then, it happened. One of my fellow bloggers (thanks Steph) reassured me that I don't always have to be funny. While it is probably better for mass-reading and entertainment purposes, it isn't necessary. I can write at will. At the very same time, one of the most respected bloggers that I know (the woman herself, the Nat Attack) wrote an inspiring blog about our armed forces. Humorous, nope. Incredible, yes. (Again, shameless plug. . . READ IT). It was the answer I was seeking all along.
So, while I am about to make what can only be considered a 'humorous' entry, you can expect something a little more sentimental around the holidays. Don't be nervous, you don't have to partake. I'm just saying that it will happen. I'm branching out and frankly, back in the game. . .

Quiz

You are walking through another department at work (very clearly another department since you don't recognize any of the people and you sit at the other end of the building) and you see a table of deliciously tasty treats that have just been delivered. Do you:

A. Keep walking. They obviously aren't your treats and it would be weird to ask for any, let alone just take some.
B. Stop and wait for someone else to take some. If someone else from another department is eating, it may not be such a big deal. Afterall, you may have missed that email to the company annoucing that 'treats have arrived, who's hungry?'
C. Talk loudly about how good they look and/or how hungry you are and wait for someone in that area to give you the 'go ahead' to start scarfing. Have some sympathy. . .
D. Pilfer and pillage to your heart's content. Afterall, they are on a table where you were walking with no sign that says 'Stop. Don't eat without permission.' So really, it's fair game. If they didn't want you to eat them, they should have hid them somewhere else.

I know what I would do but apparently, it's less common than I thought. This small act could end up being the reason that you sit at your own table at the company party so choose wisely. . .

S.W.A.G.

It's officially Christmas! How do I know? Well, other than the busy crowds and screaming kids. . . I get free stuff. That's right. Just like Michael Scott, I love SWAG (Stuff We All Get)!
So far this year, the vendors at work are sending some great stuff - I'm pretty impressed. Mostly, it's been stuff that my trainer would kill me if I ate (like chocolate covered marshmallows - what a concept people!) but I appreciate it none-the-less. Especially because it means that they think we are important. . .which is what I have been trying to tell them! Ha! Totally kidding. But it makes us feel that way which is what counts.
Merry Christmas to us. . love our vendors. And Merry Christmas to you - I hope you also get free stuff from people you have never met! It could be the best concept in business. Don't skip that chapter.

Things I've Learned

It's been a while since my last post but for sure, a productive week! A lot has happened in the World O' Carlee since the last time I blogged - work continued to suck last week amidst the frigid weather and snow flurries (which I developed my yearly hate for. . . AGAIN), I battled the crowds at the annual Hamblin Family Park City Shopping Extravaganza (title not official but I'm looking into copywriting it. . it flows) and I finally got my house cleaned (only under pressure of having visitors, mind you) for the first time in weeks! Oh, and I got some new CD's in the mail over the weekend - Keith Urban. . . Yummy! Another shameless plug. . . what are we to do?
Despite the fact that these may not seem to add up to a 'productive week' on your scale, some pretty random stuff happened that I feel can only be shared in what I am calling "Lessons Learned'. Give me some feedback on whether or not you like this format because I may have to make it a weekly installment!

Lessons Learned
1. Don't knock on a specific profession around people who's profession is unknown to you. If you think I 'get' to sit in a cubicle all day and 'play' on my computer, you are wrong. Don't knock on people who 'have' to sit in a cubicle all day and 'work' on their computer all day. And if you do decide to rag on my job, do it when I'm not in the room.
2. Don't pull a person's hair if you aren't 100% positive that they are the person you thought they were from the back. And if you do make the huge mistake of pulling an unknown person's hair, don't try to make it up by hugging them! Awkward. (BTW, just to clear this up, I was the pull-ee not the pull-er).
3. Don't judge people's social consciousness by their shopping habits. Just because I like to shop doesn't mean that I don't care about poor people. Who do you think gets all of my old clothes?
4. Don't make partial payments (you know, 1/2 mid-month and then the other 1/2 at the end of the month) on your mortgage unless you know that your lender accepts them as such. Otherwise, you get nasty notices in the mail that have words like 'delinquent' and 'help' and 'failure' and 'credit mark' in them for no reason. . . and you may have to make an extra house payment. Enough said.
5. Don't try to understand men. They are confusing. They say that they only really think about three things - food, sports and hmmmm, so they should be simple. But, I've figured out that since all things somehow have to relate to one of those three things, that's what makes them difficult. Get yours minds out of the gutter dudes. There is more to life than food, sports and. . . ok. . . boobs (using that as a total place holder).
6. Don't be 'That' girl. You know those girls that get anything that they want, regardless of past, present or future circumstances? They are the same girl that takes whatever they want with total disregard to other people's feelings. The world revolves around them and they know it. In fact, you can't help but be subject to their charm. Annoyingly perfect - which makes the rest of us 'non-perfect' folks squirm with jealousy or anger or whatever that fire in your gut is actually called. 'That' girl can also be found using 'that's just how I am' as an excuse for everything (several of the most common situations when this is heard include flirting with another girl's love interest - ok, flirting with anything that moves, being late for everything
or having a blatant disregard for people around them, usually leaving your internal monologue to shout 'Hello! I am here too!'.)
7. Finally, do live by the crucial life lessons brought up every week in 'The Office'. This week, I learned that prison is more fun and probably more productive than work.

There it is. . . my week in a list of lessons. If I ever do decide to write a book, I really think the chapters will take this format. Any insight? (Only respond if you think it's good. Otherwise. . . I don't care. Another lesson learned. . . )