It’s the Cele-breakup. . .

Alas, dear friends, I’m sure that you’ve all heard the news that the reality television world ended this week with the demise of Jon and Kate. That’s right, the world’s bravest parents could no longer hack it and they are getting divorced. It’s a sad world we live in when even $75,000 an episode can’t help you get over yourself long enough to make your marriage work.

Jon and Kate now enter the books as the most recent Cele-breakup (I think I maybe invented that word and I may be proud of it. . . but if you think I heard it somewhere and it’s not a Carlee Original, let me know and I’ll give credit where it’s due, cool?) in Hollywood. . . er. . . Pennsylvania. It’s a good thing they chose to stay living out of LA so that they could have some semblance of a “normal life” with Mady, Cara, Leah, Hannah, Alexis, Joel, Collin and Aaden. Wait, what part of 8 kids seems like a normal life? None part? I didn’t think so either. Sidenote – I maybe got all of those names by memory. . . without a struggle. I AM a watcher of this show and have become rather attached to the Gosselin family, like so many of you who maybe won’t admit it. But I’m airing my dirty laundry – I watch it when it’s on and maybe Tivo it sometimes. . .

As much as I would LOVE to write an entire blog about the Gosselin, I think it would lose its luster after paragraph four. After all, they have been the center of the universe for the last 6 months because he’s supposedly cheating and so is she and the kids are overworked and yadda, yadda. Good tabloid stuff.

So, rather than focus solely on this most recent tragedy, I would like to walk you through some of my favorite Cele-breakups over the past years. My definition of “favorite” is termed as loosely as those couples that I, at the very minimum, became at least mildly invested in – entertainment-wise or emotionally, doesn’t matter. . . I was, to some degree, sad to see them go. So, in no particular order than that of my memory. . .


Kate and Jon (I listed her first because that’s how she’d want it. I’m surprised it hasn’t changed yet actually. . .)

Cause of Break-up: Reported Infidelity, Greed, Selfishness

It’s the freshest. Sorry. But I’ll be brief. Plus, I feel the worst for them because they were once a legitimate family.
In a break-up where both parents claim that it always has been and still will be “all about the kids,” I ask, “Is it really?” At first I loved this story because they lived in a sweet house in Pennsylvania and were SO grateful for the opportunities that they were given because they never thought they would be able to experience them without the aid of the Hiltons or whoever else threw out a freebee. Now that Kate is expecting. . . not another child but a hand-out. . . it’s lost its humility and it’s “real-ness”.

Wouldn’t the smart thing be to try life again off camera rather than go for the big D in court? As pointed out by my genius sister-in-law, isn’t she still making money speaking and from royalties on her books? Call me crazy but I think that getting the cameras off the property may be the best thing for the kids and the marriage. It’s “all about the kids”. Yup. All about the great stuff that you get because of the kids. Again, $75,000 per episode people. You are FINE to walk away and no, the show doesn’t have to go on.
PS, nice earrings on the show this week, Jon. Good luck apartment hunting.

Nick and Jessica

Cause of Break-up: Infidelity, Career Competition, Age (metal or physical, I can’t tell)

Remember them? Remember the Chicken-of-the-Sea incident? Remember how this show was a complete train wreck – it was gruesome enough that you really wanted to look away but you couldn’t help but stare. I loved it SO much.

This is the classic case of the “Battle of the Careers” syndrome – lower-tiered boy-bander versus the teenie bopper goddess (you know, the one that was overlooked) and daddy’s girl (in every awkward sense of the word) turned bad movie actress. This couple was a great case of puppy love and I loved that they both loved being with a spouse that was as hot as they were. Did that make sense? It did in my head.

I had every hope that these two would make it because she was innocent and he was cool and it felt like my senior year in high school (not me personally, but all the people that I envied) with friends and concerts and music videos and perfume lines. . . oh, good times! But of course, it took a bad turn.

There were talks of her cheating and I think maybe some of him doing the same – I know he went out with Kim Kardashian before she was who she is but I may be getting my stories confused. Either way, there was strife and a break-up and another MTV show down the toilet.

Shauna Moakler and Travis Barker

Cause of Break-up: Who the heck knows. . . and which time?

Thanks again MTV. A beauty queen marries a punk band drummer and they live happily-ever. . . um, not so much. They were ok for a little while – until the cameras got them too! Is anyone seeing a trend?

Are you wondering why I liked these people so much? Entertainment purposes, of course. They were actually pretty normal with each other and their kids on television, but that continual stoned look on Barker’s face throughout their short stint on cable made me smell nothing but trouble. And boy was I correct!

They broke up, and then got back together, and then broke up again, I think? Can anyone confirm that?

The Hogans

Cause of Break-up: What WASN’T weird/wrong with this family?

I am actually kind of surprised that this didn’t make more of a splash than it did. Not the break-up but the fact that this could be America’s craziest family. I’m not even kidding. Here is what we’re working with:

Former pro-wrestler marries ridiculous blond and has two kids – a daughter who tries to be a singer in the Brittney sense of the word and a Son who doesn’t realize he’s Caucasian and kills a guy drag racing (which I’m pretty positive isn’t his only legal offense). This family survives over 20 YEARS! That’s right. What could they possibly do to add to the already existing drama? Get a television show, of course. Now the world can fully critique their craziness, adding to the stress of their lives and causing their eventual demise. Now Hulk’s dating a woman who looks like his daughter (gross) and Linda (Mrs. Hulk) is dating a guy that’s younger than his daughter (double gross). Welcome to tv land.

Ok, that is my short list in a LONG blog. But, is anyone else seeing a pattern here? Sign up to do a television show with your family, there is a good chance that if you don’t keep your head on straight, you’re going to end up with the big “D” as well. The list goes on - Dave Nivaro and Carmen Electra, Brittney and K-Fed (although I’d really like to think that was doomed from the get-go, no cable assistance required) and so on and so on. And yet they still continue to do it. . . I’m perplexed.

I’d love to think Tori and Dean are going to make it (I better not end up tearing up over the latest gossip in 5 months because I like them too) because she has been RIDICULOUSLY famous her entire life. But Dean may have a challenge in his newly acquired fame. They are a cute family though. I worry (not as in worry everyday worry, just thoughts really) that the built-in drama that comes with being a Spelling could lead to their demise. They seem oddly grounded though, so I hope it continues because it's a win for Oygen!


Let’s be real though – the only family that is going to come out of this black hole of marriage is the Duggars. In fact, they are the only ones to actually ADD a marriage to their repertoire so maybe that makes up for one of the losses? Maybe they could actually give the families of reality tv a win if they get the rest of their kids married off. They could load balance the entire thing!! Looks like you have to have a serious religious dedication and 18 kids to avoid media scrutiny and a wandering eye.