Overcoming Weird Personal Boundaries

So generally, I would consider myself a "go-getter". . . for the most part. . . ish. Ok, in some things. Man, is this getting vague or what? My point is that on a general basis, I feel like I don't have a lot of boundaries that I haven't conquered (or at least attacked with some decent force) in my life. I feel pretty comfortable with the things that I've done.

What am I getting at? Sidenote: not once have I ever gotten to a point this fast in my writing so why in the WORLD are you expecting me to now? Let me tell you about some of the personal battles that I feel like I've conquered in my life (no laughing now, this is some serious business and in some courts of law considered highly personal :) ):

Carlee vs the Swing set: my brother used to try and get me to lay down under the swing with my arms by my sides and see how close he could get to my face while swinging without actually kicking me. The trick was that if I covered my eyes (as was a natural reaction), I would, inevitably, be kicked. It took a LOT of trust but I finally did it. He passed right over me (the first time) and I was proud.

Carlee vs the Trailer Park Bully: I punched a kid. Knocked him on his rear. But it was for a good cause. He was picking on a smaller, weaker kid. And when he pushed me, I punched him and he cried. . . a lot. I felt bad. But it was the first time in my life when I had to make a choice about what I valued - walk away and let it be (nothing happens to me) or stand up for what I thought was right and risk getting in trouble. I was proud, still am. Maybe I should have called this 'Carlee vs the Moral Dilemma'?

Carlee vs Death: ok, clearly this wasn't a direct fight. No, you didn't miss something. I knew what death meant and how it emotionally effected me at an early age. I had three grandparents die over the course of one year when I was about 10. I've lost close friends in accidents, grandparents after long battles and several pets. I'm no stranger to it and I feel like after all of the practice with it, I understand it and can finally say that I have peace with the process and all that it means.

I could continue (you all know THAT for sure!) but I won't. My point is that in 26 years, I figured that I had run into a lot of the boundaries in my life - physical, spiritual, emotional and mental - that I really had to overcome. I was wrong.

Today I uncovered a pretty strong boundary that I don't even know I was aware of until it was right in my face. It all started at the spa. . .

I've gotten my fare share of pedis and manis and even had a facial last time I was in Mexico so I'm no stranger to the robe and the weird scents and the sheets and such at the spa. It's rather soothing. Today was my first go-round with hydrotherapy (you go from hot to cold to hot to cold, all in some form of water) and I loved it. Today was also my first go round with a full back massage. Enter the issue.

Did you know that in a spa, when they massage your back, they consider your "back" as the area that runs from the bottom of your skull to the bottom of your tailbone and everything in between? (I bet you didn't see this coming, did ya? you thought this was going to be a serious blog!) Well, I didn't know that. So you can imagine my surprise when little Teresa from Mexico pulled the sheet down WAY lower than I thought should would to go to town on my back. Sidenote: I am openly admitting that a 5'2", 110 pound woman completely kicked my trash today. Completely. I feel like I got in a fistfight and lost. Trailer park bully, you have your revenge!!

Anyway, when this happened, I had to keep from audibly saying "Um, do I know you? WHAT are you doing!?" Right then and there, all of my self-image issues rose right into my throat and I realized how uncomfortable I am not being clothed. The severity of this may have some religious ties. . . or it may stem from all of the books I've been reading about Afghanistan and women in burquas. . . but either way, it was a serious, in-your-face phobia! One that in my 26 years I am yet to encounter??? RANDOM!

So, as I laid there and Teresa started rubbing me down ( I know, awkward visual. . . and I'm sorry but that's how I felt, that phrase explains exactly how I felt!), I was completely uncomfortable and tense which completely defeats the purpose of the massage, right? I decided to have a little talk with myself about overcoming my phobia in record time and how being uncomfortable would get me nothing but a painful back rub and wasted spa time provided by my loving parents. What's a girl to do? I'm here, I'm on the bed, I'm not clothed, this lady could CLEARLY beat me up, where do we go from here?

I decided to take control of the situation and do it fast so I wasn't wasting any one's time. I adopted my new favorite saying which is "Carlee, it's only awkward if you let it be." (You can use it too but it won't be as effective if you use my name so you may want to insert your own there.) Guess what? It worked! Granted, it took a few minutes to really settle down but it happened and I made it through! Was it the best thing I've ever done? No. But now I know that next time it could be and that's where the win comes in.

So this overly exerted blog is to issue a challenge: do something that makes you uncomfortable and stretches you just a little bit. You may surprise yourself. I know there are plenty of "Tony Robbins" types out there telling you to do the same and maybe I'm harnessing my inner Tony but I'm telling you that a shock to the system is exactly what I needed to get back on the right path. Even if you "fail" (aka, the outcome isn't exactly what you thought or wanted) or it takes longer than anticipated (like me and my 5 minute freakout today), it's a good thing. Thanks Martha. Oh, and then report back. I want to know what you did (and I need ideas and challenges) and I'll keep you posted on my "brave" moments moving forward.