Gost Writer - Wheels of Contention

First of all let me say how excited I am to be a ghost writer. Ever since I saw that show on PBS I have thought to myself, “Could there be a better job than helping kids solve mysteries by providing clues to riddles”? I think not; however I recently realized that one of the kids on the show turned out to be gay (not that there is anything wrong with that). But I can’t help but think that may have had a little something to do with his decision. (Well that and the fact that his name is Willie).

Anyhow, let’s get down to business. Last night I was doing a little shopping at the Target and was leaving the check out counter when a younger female ran into me. Let me be more specific, she skated into me. That’s right she had on (in my opinion) one of the worst inventions created by mankind………The Wheelie shoe.

After giving her the “oh no you didn’t” look, this young gal decided to walk/skate off as if nothing ever happened.

1) Is the next generation that lazy that they can’t walk to school, or to the produce section at Target? If you need wheels to get around in the grocery store, go borrow one of those scooters. Believe me they work fine, I have used them several times.
2) My Spawn will never own a pair of these shoes. Sure I owned a pair of roller skates growing up, but when I wanted to go wheeling around, I did it at the Freaking 49th Street Galleria with other prepubescent children, and creepy old men that still thought it was the 70’s, but had a fond attachment to the song footloose.
3) These things scare me. The first time I saw someone gliding across a floor at the mall, I thought that I had got some bad mushrooms from Pioneer Park. Human beings walk, run, or jog, we DO NOT glide.
4) These shoes discriminate against the elderly or people with a shoe size bigger than 7. If these shoes we sooooooooo cool, why don’t adults use them? The last time I checked, the Dali Lama, Pope Benedict, and Matt Lauer do not use them, so why should I?
5) Why hasn’t this fad passed? I was only able to wear my parachute pants and slap bracelets for about 5 minutes, while the little brats that run into me have had these damn things for close to five years.
6) If they are going to be permanently adopted by society, can we at least make people say “go go gadget shoes”?

Thanks for allowing me to vent. Don’t worry though; I will be fine with a little help from my friend Mr. Zoloff, some group counseling, and a few hours of ghost writer season 2 now available on dvd.