Stay with me as I make my point, please. Don't bail out half way through this one because I don't need you parading around saying that I'm a heartless crazy. (Unless you were doing that before this blog post then, proceed). I'm hoping we can start a good discussion about this so if you have information that I may "clearly" not be aware of, make it known in the comments. I'd really like to better understand this topic. So obviously the best way to do that is to blog about it first, right?
I'm at a point in my life where I am, as people would say, "not getting any younger." My clock is ticking and prime time is coming to an end and all of those other cliche comments about the female reproductive system are rearing their ugly and only partially-accurate heads. I'm not ancient, but I'm not that spring chicken that everyone references when it comes to talking about having babies.
That said, I'm also not planning on having a baby tomorrow (a biological impossibility) but hopefully, sometime in the not-so-distant future a little one will grace our home we'll have the family we've always hoped for.
So, I think this is clear but in case it isn't: babies are on the brain. Right now, all of them are cute, all of them are fun, all of them scream ridiculously loud! (Isn't it funny how you really start to notice that when you're thinking about having one in your house? It's like noticing how much puppies pee the second you decide to get one! Crazy!)
As we've been thinking and talking of kids, we've (like most people) started thinking about all of our child-having options. We're hip. We're "with it". We realize that not all babies come into a family the same way. So our discussions always, of course, include adoption. As I've looked around and read a little (I can't emphasize the LITTLE part of that enough - I'm no expert), one thing continues to come to mind: Why is it so dang difficult. . . expensive. . . difficult??
I'm a strong advocate of adoption for two very important reasons; two of the brightest spots in my life were adopted by my brother and sister-in-law and I couldn't imagine our family without them. Dallas and Sarah did what so many are desperate to do - bring two incredible and smart kids into their home and offer them a life they wouldn't have had otherwise. I watch these kids and see the lives that they are being provided in a loving, caring environment and my heart jumps into my throat! I'm so grateful for my fam and for the mothers of these incredible kiddos for giving them the opportunities that they might not have had otherwise. My gratitude knows no limits.
While my exposure is limited to my sphere, I have seen enough to know that there are a lot of kids that aren't as lucky - they don't have moms that are thinking about their futures and decide to place them in homes where they can flourish. There are thousands of kids out there without moms and dads, without homes and without choices. These kids (sometimes multiple siblings at a time) are abandoned or parent-less for a variety of reasons and still, desperately, need homes just like their counterparts.
So I know you're thinking "Car, I know why adoption exists. . . I didn't come here for that." I know. I'm painting a picture - some would say for dramatic effect, I say because I don't know any better.
Here is my point: Why, with thousands of kids in this predicament from all over the world and hundreds of good families willing to give at least some of them homes, is it so hard to make the two sides pair up? I know families that have been on lists for YEARS waiting to be able to adopt a child and I also know that there are thousands of kids that need good homes - need, supply, need, supply. This system isn't meeting the basic economic formula!
In addition to the time these people are waiting to be found, the expense associated with processing fees alone is enough to put a person into years of debt - that's before you even start clothing, feeding and providing shelter for these little faces. In addition to that you have multiple week-long trips abroad (if applicable, of course. Don't go buying a ticket to Guam if you are wanting to adopt in Kansas - that's just silly.) to sit in a hotel room and wait. . . the list could go on.
I'm not naive. I know that work costs money - I work at an ad agency for goodness sake and we bill by the hour; adoption takes work, and rightfully so. But I look at the expenses associated with these adoption services (which can vary greatly by country, by the way, which confuses me even more) and I wonder how families can afford time and time again to pay these astronomical fees that can go toe-to-toe with a down payment on a large house.
Should the adoption agencies continue to do thorough background checks on people submitting for adoption? Yes. Should they be able to prove that they will provide adequate love, living space and life to these kids? Absolutely. Visas, legal fees, transportation, all of it costs and I can't imagine that any of those things could or should be cut out of the process but I also wonder how many more families would get involved in this incredible process if it weren't so intimidating??
I know that there isn't an adoptive parent out there that wouldn't do it again and I'm positive that every kid has been worth every penny that's needed to change hands and every hour sitting in a hotel room. At this point, I've only reaped the benefits of the system in my niece and nephew, without any of the work. I may need a navigation lesson, I suppose. Or a ticket to Guam?
5 comments:
First of all WOW! What an interesting topic. Our family has been hit with many questions involving adoption because we have a cousin that has wanted kids forever. I think she is was thirty give or take a few years when this happened. Anyway, they had it all set up that they were going to adopt a little girl. Her name was picked out her biological parents tickets, hotel rooms and hospital stays and delivery were ALL paid for... when the little baby was born, her mom decided she wanted to keep her. Our cousin was obviously devastated, but also out all that money... so the second time around she was so scared for more than one reason...the entire family was.... A. How do you put yourself out there again like that... I mean to them, they lost that baby. It was like a death had taken place for them. and B. Where in the world do you find the money to do all of it again?. They were out every single dime even though they didn't bring that baby home to her already furnished, pink room. How can that happen?! They paid the money believing they'd come home with a little girl. They didn't... and that Mom got a free ride all expense paid delivery... I don't get it! Maybe that answer is totally known and I'm in the dark. This situation is the only one that I've been close to, to have any type of understanding. Anyway, long story short, they ended up selling their home to be able to give it another go... which they did and they got to bring a little girl home... but still... if it were me and I would have gotten my heart broken like that, I wouldn't have done it again... the money is enough for me to not even look into it. It's so much. I had friend that eventually just went into foster care because they couldn't get anything to go through for their adoption because it was a "concern" that her husband was 10 years older.... ok I'm rambling and I probably don't make any bit of sense... but just know you're not alone in the question department of this subject. Also, you're a very Entertaining writer ;)
Hi Carlee,
I love reading your blog, entertaining and thought provoking.
In a perfect world we would all be blessed with what god knows is right for us. In this world we seem to be at the mercies of nature, our imperfect bodies and sometimes people that don't live their lives in an ethical manner. My heart breaks when I hear stories of couples that wait years and pay large sums of money to adopt just to have their heart broken and their bank accounts drained then don't end up with a child.
My mother-in-law used to say "Life should be Fair". If life was fair there would be a special store at the mall where we could show up with all our paper work, showing what good parents we would be and they would give us the perfect child to fit into our family.
Since life isn't fair and that store isn't in business I guess we will just have to trod that long expensive tearfilled road to adoption. We will just have to pray for help, comfort and guidance. Adoption seems to be the only option for one of my daughters and a couple of my nieces so we are trying to find our way. Good Luck finding answers.
First off, let's clear one thing up: puppies aren't the only ones who pee a lot. Before even considering bringing a child into your family, you should be aware of this key fact.
As for the rest of it, I dunno. Pretty much at a loss here. What I do know is that God is in the details of our lives, and even though we (repeatedly) make mistakes...He doesn't. This sounds terribly trite when you're trying to move heaven and earth to bring a baby home -- whatever the cost or means. I've been there; I get it. But that doesn't make it any less true. He really does know what He's doing.
I'm pretty sure I know the best people. . . well. . . ever.
Ash, you hit the nail RIGHT on the head for me. Terrified is the only word I can think of because I've heard so many stories like this one. Terrified. You're a sweetheart for sharing and understanding.
Charmalee - always been a good mom, always will be. . . even to us kids who aren't naturally yours!! Thanks for the words of wisdom and always taking care. I'm going to keep looking for that store. . . :)
Kara - even when you are driving home a solid point, you crack me up. Thanks for being a sounding board for me always. I'm going to be like you one day: a faithful, loving, smart woman (hopefully with a crew of kids as cool as yours!)
This is a really interesting post. A lot of the same stuff has bothered me before...(not that I'm anywhere near having kids or anything, but a girl thinks of these things...) I have a disease where I might not be able to have kids (a lot of women who have it aren't able to) and so I've always kinda thought about adoption, and the same things have always bugged me. I mean...there are SO many kids who truly need good homes (and so many studies of the psychological effects of growing up without parents or in orphanages where they can't have the love/attention they need). It's crazy that there are so many kids in need, and yet so many obstacles in the way (and a lot of them are necessary I know, but a lot also seem really unnecessary)
(This is Annie Slager by the way...I kinda blog stalk you. In a not creepy way, I promise.
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