Click, click, click. . .

Dear Toilet Texter,
I can hear you. There are only two stalls in this mini bathroom so the only two options of me not hearing you (more toilets that can flush to cover up the clicking sound of your keyboard or far enough distance between the toilets that I can't hear you) are dead. I hear you in the next stall over, typing away like texting in public is a sin and you don't want to be caught doing it in the hallway so you'll just have at it during your lunch bathroom break. It's audible. . . and echoes ever so faintly in this tin can.

Two things I wish:

First, that whatever you were texting was really, really important because not only did I hear you but so did the other three people waiting in line to use your stall. (They looked like they had to go, by the way and you really held them up).

Second, that no matter my own telephone circumstances or eventual cell phone demise, I never inherit your blackberry. Gross.

Oh, and PS, if you are texting people in the bathroom and they are responding, don't put your vibrating phone on top of the tp holder. If you are trying to inconspicuous, you really just blew it.

Thanks,
Carlee

Um. . . Funny. . . but maybe only to me??

So I went on a trip yesterday to visit one of our clients in sunny So. Cal (sidenote: oh my gosh was it warm! Like 80 degrees and I didn't need a coat and I was in HEAVEN! As opposed to right now, I'm sitting at my desk with my coat on, wishing I had a space heater, and hoping that my fingers don't fall off as I press the keyboard!). It was a good day and we were very productive and yadda, yadda. It was good.

My work trip is not the point of this blog because if it were, you would all stop reading. The point was to tell you that I was in the airport yesterday. . . early. Not too early but right at that point where everyone else was in the airport so it was mass chaos and people were everywhere! Let me outline a couple of things that were happening in the SLC airport on Tuesday this week:

Military transfer day. Yeah, a bunch of Marines (sidenote: God bless each of you) were being sent off to do field training and such. I sat next to one on my flight that was on his was to Camp Pendleton to do training. . . and behind one. . . and diagonal. . . you get my point. There were lots of them. We had maybe 15 on our flight ALONE and the plane held like 50 people so that was a pretty good ratio! Anyway, there were about 200 of these strapping soldiers in the airport yesterday - what a site.

Missionary Drop off Day. For anyone who has been to the Salt Lake airport on a Tuesday, you know that it is the LDS Missionary day where they all triumphantly leave the MTC and venture to their assignments near and far. There are always a ton of them and they look so nervous and sweet and kind of act like they have never been to the airport before BECAUSE they are so nervous and sweet. It kind of inhibits the rest of us from getting through the line quickly. BUT, they are good kids and again, selfless act of service. Good work!

Sundance. So even though the crowds aren't near what they have been in the past (thanks Mr President for the largest inauguration/coronation in the history of the world), there are still a LOT of people that are here for Sundance. Not just A to D list celebs (which are fab, by the way. . . mainly the D list ones. . . go Kathy Griffin!) but also the average Jo's that fall into one of two categories: 1. They are from California and want to be "part of that" and come out here to hob nob and ski with the celebs and locals and prove how cool and how "California" they are (sidenote: most of these people do make more in a year than I will see over the course of my life so I can't really badmouth them when I want to be one! :) ) or 2. Smaller town folks who do love to ski but are really coming hear to catch a glimpse of the aforementioned celebs in their natural habitat, like they are the freaking Crocodile Hunter (sidenote: these are the same people that buy the maps to the star's homes in California, hoping to see them taking out their trash and then they happen to be invited in for a deep conversation about their last movie and then shopping and lunch on Rodeo. "It's very Pretty Woman. . . except that whole hooker thing." I can't really make fun of them either because I AM one.)

Wow - what a rant! Anyway, it is this last group of airport carnivores that I wish to address because it's the subject for my excitement! The Sundancers. So I mentioned that I love D-list celebs, yes? Well I do. They are the ones that you are either sure you've heard the name before but can't put a face on it, have NEVER heard the name before but you know them once you've seen them or finally, my favorite group, those who are known for something really ridiculous.

Examples: Last time I went to Sundance, I held the door for Andrew Keegan at a pizza place on Main Street. Who? That's what everyone says. But follow the link and you'll see that not only is he hot but you recognize him. Name? Nope. No idea. Face? Yup, how could you forget that? That would qualify him as a type 2 D-lister.

So now that I've given you a novel of a background. . . I had my second D-lister run-in at the airport yesterday and it was SO fab. As I walked through the lobby, trying to squirm my way through the missionaries, I looked to my left and saw a familiar face (sidenote: unless at this very moment you agree not to judge me, you can't continue reading because this is putting me in a very awkward place by admitting that I know who this person is because he is famous for a very weird thing that I in no way, shape or form have ever seen first hand but I DO watch TMZ on occasion and I pay attention, ok? Gosh. Don't judge.). Who was it? Ron Jeremy (I am not linking you to his profile because I can only imagine and frankly, I don't want to imagine so if you want to see him, look him up yourself). SO GROSS! He's basically a 70s/80s porn star who is super gross and super unattractive which leads me to wonder how he got into the industry but that's what he's known for which really, qualifies him for a type three D-lister but for a lot of people, he could be any of the other categories as well. He looked JUST like he does when he does interviews on television (see how careful I was when I worded that? :) Seriously, don't judge.) which is old and gross and frankly, a little bit evil. Can you hear me talking really excitedly and fast? I was - hence the run-on sentences! Sorry.

So there I was, surrounded my new missionaries, recognizing an old man who is known for being gross and a porn star and I didn't know what to do! Do I ask him for his autograph and give it to someone as a really funny but inappropriate joke or do I go tell the missionaries that there is a man by the wall that needs a serious talking to? I stood for for literally 2 minutes debating and then realized how ridiculous this quandary was and went through security. As I sat and waited to board the plane, I laughed to myself about my little debacle and how flustered I got. Man that was funny, but maybe only to me.

Snack on This. . .

Hello again! yeah, yeah, it's been a while. I know. Apologies to the two people that read my blog. . .hi mom.

So for the last six weeks (that's right six) I have been getting up early to go to the gym. By early I mean before 6:00 which, for ALL intents and purposes, is "early" and even misses "really early" by only about an hour. I'm pretty proud of my stick-to-it-ivness on this go-round of working out. . . especially in the morning. I think it's almost made me sort of a morning person. . . ish.

What I don't love is the results of this whole thing. I've been eating better (with the exception of my treat frenzy in Seattle last weekend! But it was worth every calorie) and working up a massive sweat everyday and guess what? I look the same. Six weeks - you've got to be kidding me!

So, in honor of my six weeks mark of being healthier and not seeing much difference, I've decided to share with the world (or my two readers) the things I notice about this process. I kind of consider myself an expert since I've been on some form of diet my entire life. Commentary is welcome so bring it on!

"Things" about Getting Healthy

1. I can now efficiently go 30+ minutes on the elliptical trainer without feeling like I will die a certain death when I get off. I might look like I'm going to die with my Hamblin red face syndrome (it almost does look purple some mornings) but I feel fine. So, I can breathe better after intense cardio but WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH THE SIZE OF MY PANTS? Nothing. So I don't care. And telling me that it shows that I'm getting healthier doesn't help. I want to shrink.

2. Diet food sucks. . . even when it's regular food. I eat chicken all the time, on or off a diet. But when I'm on a diet, it's extra dry and lacks flavor even if I cooked it the same as normal. My mind plays the dirtiest tricks to get me to cheat! On the flip side, chocolate has never smelled or looked so tasty.

3. I get the hiccups when I eat white rice??? What kind of weirdness? And I've been eating it every day with the previously mentioned dry chicken for lunch so I'm hiccupping for a solid 30 minutes per day for a while now. Does hiccupping burn calories? I hope so because by the time I'm done, I feel more exhausted than when I go 30 minutes on the elliptical.

4. What is with the girl at the gym that wants to look like a man? It's scary and frankly, a little weird and gross. And she has a squirly husband that she probably can bench press. She should never run in front of me at the gym because I giggle at her wide, man I have a stick up my bum, stance and I'm afraid one day she'll hit me and it will all be over.

5. I am hungry all the time. All the time. Like I can't stop being hungry whether I eat carrots or a chunk of meat. Always hungry. The awkward part of that is that people probably always see me eating and then they think "Um, she should go to the gym and not eat so much. . ."!!! See! How do I win? I'm trying people! Gosh.

Ok, I have to go to a meeting now so I have to stop this thought process but there you have it. I'm I completely thinking wrong? Have the Dieting Devil grabbed hold and made me bitter? I think I'm just in a slump. . . that better not last another 6 weeks or I swear. . . :)