What a Week!

Ok, so not to be a total downer but 2007, thus far, is not all that I was hoping it would be. In fact, I think that the term that I've used most often in reference to the last month is 'blows chunks!' That's right folks. . . someone better fix this year and fix it fast before I call it quits and sit in a basement (I say 'a' basement because my house is so small that I don't have one so I'll have to borrow someone's. . . add to the sulking) for the rest of the year. So, the start of January came through in a blaze of glory. . . I made some headway on my New Year's resolutions and was filling good about things in general. Then, the last two weeks happened and it's been a nightmare to deal with. A couple of things to note:

3, yes 3, people that I knew or was associated with have died in the last 10 days. . . all three in car accidents. Do I ever want to drive again? Nope, sure don't. Death is exhausting whether it impacts you directly or impacts people you know. It's sad and really makes you introspective which is a complete task - especially if your life is as messed up as mine. Emotionally spent.

My work just went through would could be termed as 'The Worst Handled Transition in the World' last Friday. It takes the cake for catching people off guard. Am I excited about the new position that I got? Nope. Is it because it's a bad position? Nope. I haven't had the chance to be excited yet because the announcements were handled in the worst fashion ever - a public forum. 'Hey. . . here's your new spot and here's what you aren't doing anymore. Carlee, we're taking your favorite account away. Don't feel bad.' Did I cry? Sure did. At my desk. And I'm still angry about it. Frankly, some people are lucky that there weren't MORE 'personal meetings' scheduled to deal with this mess. Number of happy people at Datamark = very few. Number of angry and/or nervous people at Datamark = everyone. Brilliantly handled. Again, emotionally spent.

Tried to get a new phone because mine is falling apart. Cingular guys. . . not helpful. I don't want a phone that plays mp3s or flashes strobe lights or does my stinking dishes. Just want one that will make calls with clarity and send texts with lightening speed. Do they have a phone like that? Nope. Unless I want to go online and find one myself. . . point of clarity - there IS a reason that I came into the store and that is so I don't have to order it online. What a joke.

I'm not going to continue because frankly, if I listed all of the things that bothered me about the last week, we'd be here for another one.

Quote of the week (thanks Eric) "I hope life isn't a BIG JOKE, because I don't get it!" Nuff said. . .

It's got to get better, right? Some words of encouragement people!

Gotta Want it. . . bad!

I know that your mind is going crazy wondering what this title could reference and yes, the answer is many things (some too inappropriate to talk about with this viewing audience - Matthew, get your mind out of the gutter).
Anyway, the topic of choice today is food. 'How did you arrive at this?' you may be asking yourself. Well, the reasons are threefold - 1. I love food so why not talk about it. 2. It's lunchtime and that's got me thinking. . . and finally 3.My life may be boring enough in it's current state that I've got nothing else. So, without further adieu. . .
My sweet mother bought me a delightful lunch treat for today - sushi. Granted, a lot of people don't love sushi and I thought for certain that I would never be a person that did. But, thanks to the Tepanyaki and a fabulous Vegas Roll that I once had, it's not so bad. Anyway, back to the lunch treat. I occasionally get these fun things to bring to work for lunch and the inevitable happens: what looks like an excellent idea at 8:00 in the morning does not sound so pleasant once you hit lunch. Sushi is always pretty and looks delicious, but you really have to prep yourself for that slightly fishy flavor to hit the palate or it's a lost cause. Today = not prepared.
Now I've developed a new problem - still hungry, slightly grossed out. Needless to say, I may need to find someone else to finish my lunch. Bugger.

The Order of Things

Occasionally I go on trips. Yes, I would consider myself an fairly seasoned traveler. I like to go on vacation. . . in fact, that's the preferred way to spend my money. So, why I felt like I needed to qualify this blog by giving you my traveling background, I don't know EXCEPT for the fact that I do know what I'm talking about when it comes to my favorite pastime.

Yesterday, I went on a quick jaunt to San Diego. For fun? Nope. For work. If I go to San Diego on my own dime, you better believe I wouldn't stay for only a day. I love it so much that I may go and stay for life!

Anyway, occasionally, I go on these day trips for my job that allow me to go to really exotic places like sunny So. Cal. Because it's a day trip and we are on a strict airport (really early) to rental car to meeting to rental car to airport (usually late) kind of schedule, I will admit that my sensitivity to daily annoyances could be heightened. OR, maybe there is a really large number of daily annoyances that happen to occur within the confines of a puddle-jumper? I don't really know. . . either way, you can see where I'm going. . .man, was I annoyed!

So, in the spirit of lists, I'm going to tell you about my trip by explaining the very things that bug me about people when I travel. Yes, all of these did in fact happen to me and my traveling cohort Lindsay a mere 24 hours ago. Here we go. . .

1. Security. Have people never been through security before because I thought it was a pretty common practice? Please don't put each item that you are carrying in an individual bucket. There is no need. That big machine actually does x-ray. It can see through your coat. Also, that belt buckle will go off in the metal detector just like it did last time because it's metal. If you are going through a metal detector and it beeps at you, please take all pieces of metal off your person rather than taking one off at a time and thinking to yourself 'Hmmm. . . I wonder if that's the one that set it off?' and continuing to test your theory until at last, you find the culprit.

2. Looking for your row. This could be the kicker for me and I know you have all seen it - those people that start walking down the aisle of the plane feeling so lost that they have this look on their face like they are hunting for quality clothing at Wal-Mart. You can hear their monologue just by looking at them. . .'Where is that darn seat of mine? I just can't seem to locate it. I know, I'll look at every one of these numbers until I see my row. . .' Call me crazy but the rows are in order - always have been and always will be. If your ticket reads 17c and you are just getting on the plane, please note that you have 17 rows to go until you find your seat. Do not stop at each row and examine it like all of a sudden you'll see your chair hiding in row 5. That little sign will NOT change to say 5a, 5b, 17c and 5d. I'll bet my paycheck on that.

3. The steward(ess)'s response to the afore-mentioned wanderer. When a person looks that confused, they deserve to worry about where their seat is located on their own. Please don't ask them what they are looking for because then you will deserve an answer like 'My pet rat.' What do you think they are looking for? Don't ask. And, should you need to give them directions to their numbered seat, don't start them with 'Go straight down the aisle. . ' If I were a stewardess, I would say 'Go left two chairs and then back 6 and then crawl over that bald guy and. . ' Don't 'help' the situation by playing captain obvious. '16 comes after 17 and before 18. . .'

4. Local time. So, you can serve peanuts but not tell time? I get it. Twice (I am not kidding - this happened at the end of BOTH of our flights) the stewardess didn't know how to tell time. A story problem, if you will. . . There was a 1 hour time change from here to Cali. It was 7:50 here when we landed in Cali. What time would it be in California? What? The answer is not 9:50? I'm shocked. You can do that little exercise backwards as well to figure out what our flight home was like.

5. Babies. I love babies - they are adorable and cuddly and sweet. . . when they are sleeping on a plane. Luckily, the baby that was directly behind be only started kicking my chair the last 10 minutes of the flight so it wasn't that bad. What got me was the crazy old lady sitting next to the dad with the baby. Apparently, she loves babies too and she likes to make these horrible noises to communicate with them. I can take the high-pitched baby talk, no problem. But, this lady decided to make this ticking noise that sounded like a chipmunk going to town on an acorn. Over and over she ticked at this poor baby. At that point, I almost wanted to cry like a baby until someone let me out.

6. Getting hit in the head with some guys large and in charge suitcase and having him look at you like you are in the way for being in your seat. Ok, this isn't a regular annoyance but it hurt so I had to include it.

7. Door rushers. Last but not least. . . those people that get up as soon as the plane stops and rush to the front so that they can be the first one off. Obviously, there time is more valuable than anyone else's. I am yet to see the airline that ranks your disembarking privledges based on importance. There are only two reasons why you should be able to run off a plane - the first doesn't apply to men and should only be used as an excuse if you have (as my friend Rachel says) 'a total disaster.' The second doesn't happen on a plane because all they serve you are crackers and peanuts and neither of those can do that kind of damage. SO, sit down and wait your turn.

Wow, I needed to get that out. I hope that those of you that travel will pay attention to these simple courtesies and be mindful that YOU may be the culprit. Happy Trails. . .

And the spamming continues. . .

So, as follow-up to a previous post called Spam-alot, I have decided to show you some imperical proof that my grandmother is a spammer. That's right folks. . . she did it again and this time, it was too good not to post as proof of absolute madness.
This email starts with an odd statement - 'the ten things God won't ask on that day. . .' really, there are only ten? Here's the photo that starts the sequence in all it's glory:

Do you feel inspired? Because I. . . didn't. The email then proceeds to tell me that the MAN himself will not care about my job or my house or my car or my friends. No, no. None of that is important. So, while all of that is trivial info. . . here's the kicker and the final slide of the series:

Just so you can't say that you haven't been warned. . . God won't need to ask you if you forward emails because he already knows. 'Nuff said?

I have got to put an end to this madness once and for all. Does anyone have any suggestions how to solve this issue? I only see one solution right now and that is to start sending back hate mail in return. Granted, my judgement may be a little foggy because I'm a little annoyed now. . . but can I can that? Do I send hate mail back or is there some other more logical way to deal with this crap?

How could I have forgotten!

Oh sweet Saved By The Bell! How could I have left you out of my television theme song blog? Did I forget about Zack Morris? I couldn't have. And AC Slater, we still meet in my dreams occasionally. I feel as though I have sinned against humanity as this could be the greatest show of all time.
Yes, it was better this way becuase now it stands out above the rest - as it should. Never to be shamed again. . . here are ALL of the lyrics!

When I wake up in the mornin',
And the 'larm gives out a warnin',
I don't think I'll ever make it on time,
By the time I grab my books,
And I give myself a look,
I'm at the corner just in time to see the bus fly by!
It's all right 'cuz I'm saved by the bell.
If the teacher pops a test,
I know I'm in a mess,
And my dog ate all my homework last night,
Ridin' low in my chair,
She won't know that I'm there,
If I can hand it in tomorrow, it'll be all right!
It's all right 'cuz I'm saved by the bell.
It's all right 'cuz I'm saved by the bell.

Flashback!

This weekend I had the incredible opportunity of being swept back to my childhood. No, I didn't play Candy Land or find my old collection of pogs. It's far more exciting than that. I was taken back to my younger days thanks to the incredible sound-stylings of the DJ at Comedy Sportz in Provo. Shameless Plug Again: yes, I already plugged this establishment in my blog about the car accident but I'll do it again. . . this time specifically about 3 of the players who filled my Saturday night with hilarity - Matt, Jeff and Scott. So funny! There are never any girls. . . because girls aren't funny enough (or maybe stupid enough) to do the show on a regular basis. In fact, $20 says they only call them in desperation - like if one of the guys all of a sudden has his appendix explode or something?

Anyway, the DJ at the show usually plays some good tunes but Saturday was incredible. Right in the middle of a musical chairs game, a familiar tune blared out of the sound system - 'Life is like a hurricane, here in Duck-berg. . ' That's right. It was the Ducktales theme song in all it's glory! I got so excited (as did the rest of the audience) that I didn't know what to do with myself other than set a mental note to go home and download. (I did it so if you need to hear it, please, feel free to stop by).

So, that got us talking on the ride home about the great television shows/theme songs from our younger days and I got so excited that I thought I would spread the cheer via blog. Here are some of the great ones that we came up with (some better known for the show rather than the song but, it's a good list none-the-less) - they should spark some memories and please, keep them coming.

1. Full House - you can't fight it. You watched it AND at least once said 'You got it, dude.' Just to refresh your theme song memory. . . 'What ever happened to predictability? The milk man, the paperboy. . .' You got it?
2. Charles in Charge - Scott Baio? For sure. I don't even need to reprise that theme song - start with the title!
3. Family Matters - Urkel and 'Did I do that?' made a profound impact on my Friday nights when I was young. Not to mention that Eddie had steps cut into his flat-top. That was hot. 'As days go by. . .' and they did. Didn't Urkel become a hot guy at one point? I think so. . . named Stefan?
4. Mr. Belvedere - 'Streaks on the china, never mattered before. . . who cares?' That was a weird show. I heard once that Marilyn Manson was the oldest kid in that show? He wasn't. . . but I still maintain that cheesy TV like that COULD, in fact, do that to a person.
5. Growing Pains - ahhh, the Seaver family. They were so perfect. Who know that one day a religious zealot and an annorexic would come out of that party? 'As long as we've got each other. We've got the world spinning right in our hands. . .'
6. Golden Girls - 'Thank you for being a friend. . .' and thank YOU for all of those over-sized silk shirts ladies! They have provided hours of mocking for a certain person at the office! Is it bad to call someone Blanche behind their back?
7. Perfect Strangers - let's be honest, nobody knows the theme song but everyone DOES remember Cousin Balkey. . . that rascal.
8. Who's the Boss - "There's a path you take and a path not taken. . . the choice is up to you my friend." While the theme song IS inspiring, it's hard to remember the tune. But, nobody forgets that large blue van in the intro or Tony sliding head first into home plate during the theme song. Did you ever wonder what you would do if you really had a Grandma like Mona? Really, a slutty 65-year-old. One comment: sick.
9. The Wonder Years - 'What would you do if I sang out of tune. . " isn't that what you are doing? I wasn't a huge fan of the 60s sounding, Baptist choir including theme song, but it's a classic.
10. Blossom - 19 costume changes by the end of the three-bar lyrics was pretty impressive. The song is actually called 'My Opinionation' which makes me say 'Whoa!' Yes, I participated in the hat frenzy sparked by Blossom and her sidekick Six. What kind of a name is that anyway?

Ok, so there is a good start. Most people remember the shows on the above list and can probably sing at least part of the theme song which DOES excite me. Many of the other shows that I recall came from my cable-watching days as a child. Basically, Nickelodeon was my best friend growing up. A few of the good ones that are noteworthy from there are Hey Dude, Salute Your Shorts, You Can't do That on Television, Clarissa Explains it All and of course the game show category: Double Dare, GUTS and Wild and Crazy Kids.

Hope your trip down memory lane is as good as mine was. . . don't forget to hit me with your favorites!

I Resolve:

In the spirit of the New Year, I decided that it would be good to write down my New Year's resolutions in a place that I hold close to my heart. . .ok really, I figured that maybe if I put them on my blog, my friends would give me a hard time if I try to break them and it may help keep me on the straight and narrow a little? So, that's the plan. Here's my vague, yet important, list of New Year's Resolutions for all the world to see:

1. Live on purpose. I'm a chicken, most of the time, when it comes to feelings or just plain being blah about things. I'm a 'whatever' girl and while I think it's good to be agreeable, it's not good to be a pushover. So, I'm living on purpose and with a purpose. No more being scared. 2007 is the year for bravery.
2. Stop swearing as much as I currently do (Now I don't have the mouth of a sailor and we must all realize that some swearing does offer comedic value but I'm to the point of being a bit out of control. Time to stop. . .or at least slow down.).
3. Cook more. Suprisingly, I like doing it. Mom, don't faint. It can be fun. . . if you plan ahead. So that's what I'm going to do. It probably won't be a lot but anything is better than what I currently do. Besides, eating out is expensive! If I cook then I can have a hot lunch and not have to spend $9 for it. Which leads me to:
4. Don't spend so much money on useless crap. I have a shopping problem. Everyone is aware of it. I spend a lot of money on useless junk (like eating out) that could be used for better purposes. I want to cut my 'useless crap' budget by at least 1/3.
5. 20 bye 20 - Mel, that one's for you. Keep me in line. This is a 'less sugar' resolution that I made with mi amiga Melissa. I may be cranky until April but I'm hoping it's worth it?

Ok, so there are a lot more resolutions that I've made for myself than are probably feasible. In fact, there are 3 or 4 more that I didn't even list that fall under the 'be a better person in general' category or spiritual goals that I don't know that I'll share just yet. But, I think I'm off to a good start. I've already been going on 4/5 for a few days now so I'm hoping that will continue. (That bravery one is much harder than it looks). So, if you see me in a week and I'm a resolution mess, kick me in the pants (figuratively) and get me going.

Question for the day: What are your biggest New Year's resolution flops? You know, the ones that you always make and always break? Maybe I can adopt a few more to add to my growing list!

Who in their right mind. . .

Question: What do cards, no sleep, Mario Cart and killer tunes add up to? One stellar New Year's eve of course! That's right, it's 5:25 am on New Year's Day and I am STILL awake - nope, not awake again. Still awake. I spent the night at a couple of houses in Salt Lake and then my rad buds decided to come and play Mario at my house. (I use the term 'rad' strictly in reference to the fact that we are playing Nintendo. Fits, right?) For the first time in years I am having what I consider to be a great New year's Eve, but then that may be the lack of sleep that is talking.
Although it's been fun, I would be lying if I said that the title of my blog hasn't run through my mind multiple times since 3:00 - what in the heck am I thinking?

One of My Favorite Things

Nope, I'm not talking about the over-sized PEZ dispenser I got for Christmas (although I do very much enjoy that too!). . . I am talking about those moments in life that just make you step back and say 'Whhhhaaaaaatttt?' I had such a moment this weekend.

I've officially notched one more mark in my post-high school 'that was an awkward but so great encounter' pole. I am talking about those moments that you just want to tell everyone about and even though nobody REALLY cares, they can relate. There is usually some sort of snotty 'revenge' factor involved and I thrive on it - sad, but true. I'm sure many of you have heard about my first glorious moment on this list with the basketball player from high school that I ran into while I was buying ice cream for people at work and he was the one serving it. Yeah, that's right. Baskin Robins baby!

So, this weekend's encounter happened with one of my old teachers from elementary school. Although she was one of my favorites, she did make an attempt to scar me for life by asking me not to raise my hand so much in class. (For those of you who don't get it yet, I was a mild kiss up in school. I knew I was smart. . .and I wanted everyone else to know that too, I guess? Man, I was a brat. Over it. . . I hope.) Yes, she actually asked me not to raise my hand so much because the other kids feel intimidated. For you elementary school teachers out there, this is NOT a good tactic. Asking a kid to stop trying in school before they are even in Jr High (or ever really) is not the brightest idea. Good thing I didn't listen. . . ok really, it's a good thing that my parents had some four letter words to say about it so I continued to raise my hand. Anyway, no permanent damage but I will never forget. . .

So, I happened to run into this teacher at a large retailer the morning after Christmas. . . ok, ok it was Wal-Mart. Whew, that feels better now that I've aired my dirty laundry. I went to Wal-Mart to buy storage tubs. Anyway, the run-in happened at the check-out counter and this was the conversation:

Teacher: 'It's. . . Carlee. . . right?'
Carlee: 'Yeah, how are you?'
Teacher: 'Good. What are you up to?'

Story Pause: silly me, I thought she was talking about what I was doing in life, not right this second. Otherwise, I would have said 'Buying storage tubs.' But instead, I said:

'Oh, just working and playing and living. You know, the normal.'

Here's the kicker. . . wait for it. . . to which she said 'Oh, so you work here?' with a look of total disdain on here face.

Inside Carlee monologue: 'No!!! I do NOT work at Wal-Mart! Did you see a blue vest because I'm sure not wearing one! In addition, even if I did work there I wouldn't tell you after that horrible look you just gave me. . . trying to crush my hopes for my non-existent retail future just like you did to my education in 5th grade!'

At the risk of offending anyone who does work at this fine retail establishment, I have nothing against your job. I say do what you do. All I am saying is that when someone tells you what they are 'doing', no matter what the answer, don't ever look disgusted. Ever. It doesn't matter if they say that they are working at a strip joint. Love it, embrace it, welcome it. Don't offend someone by looking like you just smelled bad milk. It's rude and if you do it, you should be shot.

To make a really long story short, I did proceed to tell her what my job is but in retrospect, I almost wished I hadn't. I wished I had invented some story about how I was on work-release from the jail and that I was only granted work release because I had to take care of my three kids. Imagine THAT face, huh?

I did chuckle to myself as I left Wal-Mart, knowing that I am fortunate enough after 3 years of work to be in a better place than she is after 20. She was so smug, I had to get some satisfaction out of that. Baskin Robins and Wal-Mart. . . man, life is good.

Holiday Sentiments. . .

So last week I promised that I would break out of my 'trying to be funny' shell and deliver and emotion-packed holiday blog. Well, Christmas has come and gone and I didn't get to blog at all over the present-stuffed, food-filled, glorious weekend that I had. It was THAT good - I couldn't even blog. But, I am going to try and tone down the humor a bit for this one so stay with me.

As I said, this weekend was filled with great things - family, friends, presents (call me spoiled, I don't care) and so much good food that my training is completely thrown off whack but at least I have leftover lunch today - nothing better. Shameless Plug: I don't care what anyone says, my mother makes the best potato salad, hands down. I know this may spark debate but I will win because she does.

Anyway, in the midst of all the pandemonium, it gets difficult for me to sit back and pay attention to what it all means. I'm like a kid in a candy store really - I love everything so much that I can't really decide what I am most grateful for. That very thought brought so much irony with it that I couldn't help but share. . . I have so many blessings in my life that it starts getting difficult to be grateful for it all.

I often think about what it is that brought me to this place (for you sarcasm enthusiasts: no, not my desk at work and yes, I know it was my car that 'brought me here') in my life. Why was it that I was born in the great place and time that I was born in? Why do I have a house and a job and a family (crazy as they can be at times) and the ability to maintain an excellent standard of living? Why am I not that homeless woman on the street or in that family that struggles to make ends meet every month? Have you ever thought about that? What is it that determined your place in life? Was it choices that were made or sheer dumb luck or maybe something more. . .it's a slight tangent but something to ponder none-the-less.

I thought about what it is that makes this season so 'magical', if you will, and I can really only come back to one thing - belief. Christmas gives people the chance to believe in something and whether it's God or Santa or simply believing in the good nature of people, it makes a difference. Believing in something brings hope and offers peace in an otherwise chaotic world. People become kinder, softer somehow. Genuine emotions can be shared without reservation or judgment. It's that belief in a greater good that does that.

At the risk of continuing on and botching this more than I already have, I will sign off shortly. I know that I rambled but that's where we are at without humor. . . rambling (at this point - I hope it gets better). I am utterly grateful for all that I have, especially the people that I have in my life. 'Things' are wonderful and I am glad that I have them, but more so, I am grateful for my friends and family. Those people that always have something to offer me when I need it - emotionally, spiritually and otherwise. I know that they aren't in my life by accident. Nothing is in my life by accident. We should live with purpose and on purpose. That is my resolution.

SPAM-alot

This might be the most ironic blog that I have posted yet, seeing as how I do work in an industry that utilizes e-mail communication to the masses. 'We send out emails to our prospective students in order to maintain. . . .' blah, blah, blah. Bottom line, we are spammers. Those emails that you get 10 copies of over the course of 3 days. . . yeah, that's my company. Sidebar - I am not directly responsible for these emails and cannot be held accountable for your mailbox being over it's size limit so don't hate.

Anyway, back to my point about this being ironic. The background on this takes a minute so please be patient. Additional warning - this is in no way meant to be sacrilegious. . . just truthful observations.

The tirade that I am bringing to the table today was spawned by a conversation with my good buddy Vale. Vale is a long-time friend and as such, still has my original email address that, embarrassingly enough makes reference to a time when 'Friends' was still on TV and it was popular to quote it. Anyway (again), Vale was kind enough to shoot me an email and in my response, I started to tell him that I was lucky that I saw it because that address is now my official 'Junk Email Address' - you know, the place where you send everything that you signed up for or needed an email address for like Ticketmaster or Delta Airlines? (You can usually pick out if a person sent you to their junk address by the email address itself. If it's their name @yahoo, you are typically ok. If it's something like cutiepie36@hotmail.com or lovestransformers@aol.com, you can pretty much bet that you have been junked.)

So this conversation got me thinking about the mass amounts of SPAM that I get every day at this email address and how it's nothing short of a miracle that the account hasn't expired. (I'd like to thank MSN Today for reminding me on a daily basis that I need to empty it.) I get all sorts of stuff to this address but there is one major violator when it comes to SPAM. You know who it is? My grandmother. Nope, that wasn't a typo. That's right world, my grandmother is a spammer and one of the worst kinds! Not only do I get email (strike that, I very RARELY get an actual email that she has written and if I do, it's to the whole free world) after story after poem after pictures of cute kittens hugging puppies , the emails usually have some sort of religious bottom-line that is hidden in the depths of the sign-off.

Again, this is where this could go astray. I am a religious person. I believe in God. I respect Him and the fact that He gives us blessings. I do not, however, think that He starts or even really condones SPAM.

I'm sure you have all seen what I am talking about - you get some random email that talks about friendship or some inherently good moral value and then the email is ruined by the line 'If you love Jesus, you will forward this to everyone you know. If you don't love Jesus and hate all people, you will delete this.' Now, is that really fair? Just because I don't feel like spamming my friends with some 40 page story doesn't mean that I hate Jesus and all people. In fact, I would argue that I love humanity more by stopping this INSANITY! Besides, I am yet to see the 11th commandment that states 'Thou shalt forward all emails about ______ (insert moral value here) post haste.' Yup, that fits right up there with 'Thou shalt not kill.'

I will even give you the fact that these uplifting emails do have their place - every once in a while and without the shameless reference to religious icons. I can take emails that are about religion and ones that are good-hearted stories. . . every once in a while. . .BUT without the side of guilt, please! No need.

And I'm back in the game. . .

So, a few people have noticed by absence from Blogger over the last while. I have to tell you, I have not abandoned my new favorite hobby nor do I intend to. The pressure was just too much. 'What pressure?' you may be asking? The pressure to be FUNNY!
I don't know if you have noticed but my blog links to the blogs of some of the funniest people that I know. (If you haven't noticed, you should check them out. Just a warning, you might pee a little.) So, being surrounded by hillarious people has sent me into a tailspin. I'm surrounded by whit and I am a dud. I can't let my readers down. Nothing amusing has really happened in my life. What is a blogger to do?
Then, it happened. One of my fellow bloggers (thanks Steph) reassured me that I don't always have to be funny. While it is probably better for mass-reading and entertainment purposes, it isn't necessary. I can write at will. At the very same time, one of the most respected bloggers that I know (the woman herself, the Nat Attack) wrote an inspiring blog about our armed forces. Humorous, nope. Incredible, yes. (Again, shameless plug. . . READ IT). It was the answer I was seeking all along.
So, while I am about to make what can only be considered a 'humorous' entry, you can expect something a little more sentimental around the holidays. Don't be nervous, you don't have to partake. I'm just saying that it will happen. I'm branching out and frankly, back in the game. . .

Quiz

You are walking through another department at work (very clearly another department since you don't recognize any of the people and you sit at the other end of the building) and you see a table of deliciously tasty treats that have just been delivered. Do you:

A. Keep walking. They obviously aren't your treats and it would be weird to ask for any, let alone just take some.
B. Stop and wait for someone else to take some. If someone else from another department is eating, it may not be such a big deal. Afterall, you may have missed that email to the company annoucing that 'treats have arrived, who's hungry?'
C. Talk loudly about how good they look and/or how hungry you are and wait for someone in that area to give you the 'go ahead' to start scarfing. Have some sympathy. . .
D. Pilfer and pillage to your heart's content. Afterall, they are on a table where you were walking with no sign that says 'Stop. Don't eat without permission.' So really, it's fair game. If they didn't want you to eat them, they should have hid them somewhere else.

I know what I would do but apparently, it's less common than I thought. This small act could end up being the reason that you sit at your own table at the company party so choose wisely. . .

S.W.A.G.

It's officially Christmas! How do I know? Well, other than the busy crowds and screaming kids. . . I get free stuff. That's right. Just like Michael Scott, I love SWAG (Stuff We All Get)!
So far this year, the vendors at work are sending some great stuff - I'm pretty impressed. Mostly, it's been stuff that my trainer would kill me if I ate (like chocolate covered marshmallows - what a concept people!) but I appreciate it none-the-less. Especially because it means that they think we are important. . .which is what I have been trying to tell them! Ha! Totally kidding. But it makes us feel that way which is what counts.
Merry Christmas to us. . love our vendors. And Merry Christmas to you - I hope you also get free stuff from people you have never met! It could be the best concept in business. Don't skip that chapter.

Things I've Learned

It's been a while since my last post but for sure, a productive week! A lot has happened in the World O' Carlee since the last time I blogged - work continued to suck last week amidst the frigid weather and snow flurries (which I developed my yearly hate for. . . AGAIN), I battled the crowds at the annual Hamblin Family Park City Shopping Extravaganza (title not official but I'm looking into copywriting it. . it flows) and I finally got my house cleaned (only under pressure of having visitors, mind you) for the first time in weeks! Oh, and I got some new CD's in the mail over the weekend - Keith Urban. . . Yummy! Another shameless plug. . . what are we to do?
Despite the fact that these may not seem to add up to a 'productive week' on your scale, some pretty random stuff happened that I feel can only be shared in what I am calling "Lessons Learned'. Give me some feedback on whether or not you like this format because I may have to make it a weekly installment!

Lessons Learned
1. Don't knock on a specific profession around people who's profession is unknown to you. If you think I 'get' to sit in a cubicle all day and 'play' on my computer, you are wrong. Don't knock on people who 'have' to sit in a cubicle all day and 'work' on their computer all day. And if you do decide to rag on my job, do it when I'm not in the room.
2. Don't pull a person's hair if you aren't 100% positive that they are the person you thought they were from the back. And if you do make the huge mistake of pulling an unknown person's hair, don't try to make it up by hugging them! Awkward. (BTW, just to clear this up, I was the pull-ee not the pull-er).
3. Don't judge people's social consciousness by their shopping habits. Just because I like to shop doesn't mean that I don't care about poor people. Who do you think gets all of my old clothes?
4. Don't make partial payments (you know, 1/2 mid-month and then the other 1/2 at the end of the month) on your mortgage unless you know that your lender accepts them as such. Otherwise, you get nasty notices in the mail that have words like 'delinquent' and 'help' and 'failure' and 'credit mark' in them for no reason. . . and you may have to make an extra house payment. Enough said.
5. Don't try to understand men. They are confusing. They say that they only really think about three things - food, sports and hmmmm, so they should be simple. But, I've figured out that since all things somehow have to relate to one of those three things, that's what makes them difficult. Get yours minds out of the gutter dudes. There is more to life than food, sports and. . . ok. . . boobs (using that as a total place holder).
6. Don't be 'That' girl. You know those girls that get anything that they want, regardless of past, present or future circumstances? They are the same girl that takes whatever they want with total disregard to other people's feelings. The world revolves around them and they know it. In fact, you can't help but be subject to their charm. Annoyingly perfect - which makes the rest of us 'non-perfect' folks squirm with jealousy or anger or whatever that fire in your gut is actually called. 'That' girl can also be found using 'that's just how I am' as an excuse for everything (several of the most common situations when this is heard include flirting with another girl's love interest - ok, flirting with anything that moves, being late for everything
or having a blatant disregard for people around them, usually leaving your internal monologue to shout 'Hello! I am here too!'.)
7. Finally, do live by the crucial life lessons brought up every week in 'The Office'. This week, I learned that prison is more fun and probably more productive than work.

There it is. . . my week in a list of lessons. If I ever do decide to write a book, I really think the chapters will take this format. Any insight? (Only respond if you think it's good. Otherwise. . . I don't care. Another lesson learned. . . )

A Drunk + A Cop + A Comedy Show do NOT 'Happy Valley' make. . .

I know you are thinking that this could be the makings of the most scandalous 'Carlee Blog' yet and it very well could be. . . just not how you are thinking!

So we decided to venture down to Provo (aka 'Happy Valley' for all of you non-Utah participants in today's blog) on Saturday night to watch an improve comedy show at Comedy Sportz.

SHAMELESS PLUG: Comedy Sportz is hilarious and the show is totally different every time because it's improv. You should try it - shows at 8 and 10:15 every weekend on Center Street just off University. Wow, that was sad!

So, I was riding with my bud Aaron to the show and we missed the exit. I like to think it was because of my compelling conversation skills but it can probably really be attributed to bad directions. Anyway, we decided to make a u-turn at an intersection and before I know it, my head was hitting the side window. (No worries, my head is fine and my hair still looked good!)

Just as I turned to tell Aaron that it wasn't kosher to run over medians in the middle of the road (which is what I thought he hit), I saw another car a little to close to ours - ok, touching it. Reality set it. . . we had been hit by two old people in a Chrysler!

Because it's a long story - I'll give you the Reader's Digest version: pull over, call cops, old man comes over to look at the damage and smells mildly funny (if it was cologne, he needs his money back because you should never smell like booze voluntarily), our friends show up and laugh their faces off, two cops show up, interviews, questions to us about who was driving the other car, old man mildly feisty about the cops being there and they have no registration or insurance on them (they JUST cleaned out their glove box. . . liars!), more cops show up (I was guessing they were bored. . . it was, afterall, Provo), vehicle search, bad words from the old man, cans removed from their car (and we FOUND the booze smell!), exchange information, more bad words from the old man, citation issued to old people (I still don't know what for. . . but I have a really good guess!), Carlee and Aaron leave. Whew, that was good.

Despite the fact we still made the late comedy show, the night was less than stellar. So, while you thought the headline sounded like loads of fun, I am here to tell you that a drunk, a cop and a comedy show do NOT Happy Valley make.


As a side note, I just ate some enchilada soup for lunch and just for future reference, enchiladas should stay enchiladas and soup should stay soup. NEVER combine the two. It's sick.

Sales Tactic or Hate Crime?

Hey y'all from the great state of Texas. That's right, this blog is coming to you from the land where everything is bigger but the roads are still as confusing. I'm still trying to figure out which way is north. . . no mountains.
On Monday we set out on our average vacation shopping trip to a city called Round Rock. They have an outlet mall there that is chalked full of stuff that we still can't afford (Calvin, Kenneth and Coach all made an appearance of course but I didn't seem to have enough Benjamin, Abe or George to go around). We were meandering (yes, I do think you can only REALLY do this in Texas) through the stores and came upon a couple of kiosks with rather 'excited' employees working in them. Little did I know what we were about to get into.
The first kiosk we came to was a set-up for Dead Sea Salts. These lotions and other scrubs or some junk like that are supposed to be the best thing for your skin, so good in fact that they bring them all the way from the Dead Sea to Round Rock Texas to be sold. Can you even believe that? Anyway, the gentleman working at the kiosk turned to my mother (who is not that old mind you) and asked 'Can I ask you a question?' Based on his tone, we presumed the man was going to ask us where we found our fabulous sunglasses or something of the nature so of course, my mom said 'Sure!' Well, sunglasses were not his concern. This weirdo turned to my mom and said 'Are you ok walking around with your skin looking like that?' ARE YOU KIDDING ME? What in the world just happened? Did he just insult my mom in hopes of selling something? Do people actually buy into this garbage?
Morbidly offended we stared at each other and decided to move on. Unfortunately for us, this would not be our last encounter with this team of salespeople that apparently failed sales 101 at the local community college. Next up, hair central. . .
Me being a girl with somewhat longer locks, my hair does tend to be picked on by any salesperson with a remedy to all the ailments that could afflict such a coif (dry hair, straight hair, curly hair, blue hair, whatever). This trip was no exception. As we approached the second kiosk, I could see I was the new target - mom for the skin, Carlee for the hair. Here we go again.
The girl in the second kiosk wasted no time farting around the issue - she went straight for the heart. 'You straighten your hair? I have something to show you. . ' 'Not interested,' I said in my most polite, leave-me-alone voice. 'You probably have a cheap straightener. That's why you are burning your hair!' Then, it happened. . . she touched it. Mall Worker 366 (maybe that was her employee number, I don't really know) touched my hair. Did I ask her to? Nope. Did I hope she would? Double nope. Piece of advice: DON'T TOUCH ME. . . especially right after you insult me thanks! I WILL freak out. (Side note: if you know me, don't be afraid. We've probably already broken that touching plane and I will not freak out. If you are a total stranger who loves to insult their customers, hands off!)
Needless to say this encounter did not end well. I proceeded to tell the salesperson that I basically thought she should do a bit more research before she went around insulting me. I might have hit her or something but you can't risk being thrown in a Texas jail. . . not in this lifetime.
Question to the public: Did I just miss the day that made this a great sales tool? I can see the chapter now: 'Insult your customers, get results.' What's happening here? Sales tactic or hate crime?

Making My Day. . .

Favorite Part of the Morning (thus far): hearing a girl talk for 30 minutes about how she just can't find clothes small enough to fit her. Her boys department cargos just make her angry. 'Fat America has ruined my wardrobe!' she said.

Message to Skinny Girl: Fat America will ruin more than your wardrobe if you aren't careful. . . people hear that mumbo jumbo and you just may be their lunch!

Enough said.

Representing Our Country. . . Well!

I can't believe that I just saw what I did. . . and more over, I can't believe I am writing about it but it was too funny not to blog. While I'm hanging out at home working, the WE channel is re-airing the MRS. America 2006 pageant (yeah Mrs., aka married and old, but you wouldn't know that looking at them). You would think that these older women would have some extra insight into life and that maybe, just maybe, the top six wouldn't give such idiotic answers to their final question? FALSE. They are idiots and it was the biggest train wreck I have seen in years. Here's a recap of the final 10 gut busting minutes:

1. Largest scandal of the night, once Mrs. Georgia found out she didn't make the top six, she announces she's actually pregnant. . . gasp! She fooled everyone. . . oh no! Soap opera drama I tell you.

2. There are six finalists because the loosing contestants get to vote one woman back into the finals. Is this Survivor? Nope, it's a pageant. If you loose, you loose. End of story.

3. Mrs. North Carolina was the proud recipient of the 'extra life' and made her way back into the finals. There was, however, what can now only be referred to as a 'Faith Hill Moment' as the camera showed backstage. Comments were heard from the 'looser' contestants like 'What?' and 'How did that happen?' and one girl even asked 'Notice that everyone that voted for her didn't even MAKE the top 12?' Holy crap? Who says that stuff? Cat fight!!!!!

4. Mrs. Utah made the finals. Has a Miss, Mrs, Little Miss, Grandma, anything Utah ever made it to the finals of any pageant ever? Nope. Most people don't even know that we are a state. She was actually picked to win by the other contestants but in true fashion, she didn't. Second runner up.

5. Question: 'Mrs. Nebraska, what is something about you that would surprise us?' Answer: 'Probably that I grew up on a farm and that my dad was a farmer. . obviously.' Really, there are farms in Nebraska? That is shocking! My world is totally turned around. In addition, the word 'obviously' should probably not be used in an answer to a question about surprises. Am I wrong about that? Fifth runner up. . . really, again, shocker!

6. Question: 'Define success.' Answer from Mrs. Arizona: 'Sussess is. . .' yes, I spelled it like it came out. BTW, winner!

7. Question: 'Describe yourself." Answer from Louisiana: 'Service, liberty, blah, blah, blah. . .OUR YOUTH ARE FAILING! We need to be better examples and get them out of drug-induced. . ." wow, don't hold back. Did you really want a question about either drugs or the youth in our community because I think that's what you planned on!

Needless to say, I almost wet myself laughing. It was so great. . . worth the tivo if you can find it. I haven't felt this smart in a really long time! Where do they find these people? I guess Arizona found the 'sussess' she was looking for!

Original Prankster

Ok, I'm a total nerd. BUT, I love Dwight so much that I can't help but add this one for your viewing pleasure.
Natalie, props for sending me the original video because this is the greatest thing ever. Problem: Productivity just dropped 100 points!