It's a blog-tastic day!

I am having too much fun today and I think I need to share it. It's retro day on my MP3 player. Here are the best songs that I have listened to so far today:

1. Motownphilly by Boys II Men
2. All My Life by KC and JoJo
3. Cheeseburger in Paradise by Jimmy Buffet
4. Billie Jean by Michael J.
5. Lightening Crashes by Live
6. Fantasy by Mariah Carey
7. Down down Baby by Nelly

Man, what a Friday. Jealous?

Greatest News Story of All Time

When I was getting ready for work this morning, I saw the most heart-felt thing on the Today Show that I have ever seen - no, I'm not talking about Meredith's plow to wear white pants before Memorial Day. I can't get over this - I was literally in tears. It's moments like this that make you appreciate everything that you have, especially family. It's what it's all about.

Sorry about the format. . . and the commercial -it's all I could do.

A Soldier's Return

I forgot something. . .

If I ruled the world, I would make any and all nail clipping in public illegal. If you were caught trimming up your nails at work, you'd automatically go to jail.

I can't believe that I forgot that one! I had a good reminder this morning. . .

If I ruled the world. . .

Sometimes I wonder what the world would be like if I was in charge. I don't want to be in charge of important things, just little things that would (in general) make the quality of life better for us little people. If I ruled the world, here are some things that I would change:

• Everyone would get Friday afternoons off. There is just something to be said about a Friday afternoon NOT at work.
• Grocery carts would be automatically weighted in the front so that everyone could stand on the back and roll their way to happiness.
• Anyone working at a retail establishment that ever said 'I hate today,' 'This job sucks' or 'Now we're going to be here forever' when a customer walks into a store or up to said worker would automatically be fired - no questions asked.
• Texas Roadhouse rolls for everyone, at least once per week.
• Flip flops would go with any outfit. . . and be totally acceptable at work.
• Everyone would greet the people that they know with kisses on the cheek. It's a totally acceptable greeting and if you wanted to "miss on accident", so what?
• There would be 50 calories in a Snickers Ice Cream Bar. . . ok, 120 - the same as a granola bar. I'm not completely unrealistic!
• Everyone could buy every style of clothes in their size and have it look good.
• Gas would be 75 cents per gallon.
• People would never fall out of real love.
• We would do road construction like they do in Japan. . . at night and when they are done for the day, you don't even know they were there.
• Texas Roadhouse rolls for everyone. . . I meant twice per week!
• Cereal would be it's own food group and you'd need 3 servings per day.

I think that's a pretty good starter list. Agree? What would you do if you ruled the world? Hit me with some more ideas and I'll see what I can do in my next meeting about all of this. . .

I Just Want to Go Home!!!

While many of you are probably thinking that this blog is going to be in reference to my overly-exciting job and the sentiments that I get everyday at about 11:00. . . you're wrong. Ok, you're right that the subject line does accurately portray those morning work sentiments, but that's not what this blog is about. . at least not today.

I come from a pretty great city that has become overly-populated in the last 10 or so years. I believe that this large increase in people is due solely to the addition of a Super Wal-Mart and the neighboring Home Depot, but what do I know. Anyway, the increasing number of people has lead to increased traffic which means. . . you guessed it, road construction. A lot of it. And I officially hate it.

It all started last year with the Gentile expansion project (Gentile is the main road closest to my house and the very road that my beloved parents reside on). The city thought it a brilliant plan to uproot an entire main road and expand it. Did they have the sense to tackle this project in pieces so as to minimize the effect it would have on traffic? Nope, they sure didn't. Process: tear up the entire street so it is undrivable for a long time and then redo the entire thing. Net effect: prolonged unuse of a main road west of my house and a dirty car every time I tried to visit the parents (there was dirt everywhere, over everything). Inconvenience time: about 6-8 months.

After this brilliant project started, it was all downhill from there. They apparently forgot to expand the top of West Gentile but remembered about 3 weeks ago that it needed to be done. So now, the entire road is open EXCEPT the part that lets you get to main street - aka, the most important part of the road. It's like redoing a house and leaving the front door off. . . or better yet, locked with no key. It does nobody any good. Process: tear up the road immediately in front of the road that leads to Carlee's house. Net effect: having to drive 15 blocks out of my way, either direction in order to get out of my neighborhood. Inconvenience time: about 30 minutes per DAY!

To this I add Layton's desire to accommodate the tracks project. Again, construction. Neighboring city overhauling part of their main road that is THE alternate route home. Again, construction.

'Shoulder work ahead', 'Road Closed', 'One Lane Ahead'. These short phrases are now the story of my life. Every (and I'm not exaggerating as I tend to do at times) route for me to get home is interrupted by construction. I can't remember the last time I was able to drive directly to my house. This does not a happy girl make when all I want to do is go home! Is that too much to ask?

Parenting at it's Finest!

With all of the hub-bug about whether or not it's ok to spank kids or even punish kids really, I think it's important to recognize the rare opportunity it is to see parents let their kids have it. I'm a firm believer that's it's not only ok to spank kids when they are out of line, but it's recommended. Rarely does punishment happen anymore, let alone get a picture of it.

I was recently in the Denver airport and encountered a young boy who was screaming bloody murder because he couldn't climb on the window. After about 2 minutes, his mom walked over to him and calmly pulled him off the window. He continued to scream like someone had ripped his heart out, so. . .she paddled his butt with a spanking like I haven't seen since I lied about brushing my teeth. The entire gate of people clapped. From what I could gather, they hadn't seen a kid get punished in some time either. It was a proud moment for us all and frankly, restored a little confidence in humanity.

So, I'm taking this public opportunity to thank all those parents that can still strike the fear of the night into their kids with the threat of a good punishment. In honor of those parents, I am posting a series of pictures that not only demonstrate punishment, but shear humiliation of a kid who has done wrong. Go, Mom, Go! Now this is punishment.

You're Beautiful

I can't even begin to get over this kid. This made my day. . . ok, my week because I've been trying to post this for like 3 days! (Thanks Steph).

It's all about cold turkey!

While I would love to write a blog about how delicious cold turkey sandwiches are. . . because they are. . . that's not the kind of cold turkey I'm talking about here. I'm talking about the kicking a bad habit, undying conviction, going for the gold kind of cold turkey. It's mildly painful, but over the last month I've decided that it's the only way to go.

Just for kicks, I thought I would look up the origin of this tasty little phrase to see what implications it had on me completing my goals. Yahoo! had an interesting article about the origin of the idiom (did that sound like a really intelligent sentence or was it me?) and actually a fairly sick description of how it came to be (blood draining away from the skin. . . sick!). BUT, I was not yet satisfied. SO, I turned to the ever helpful, always accurate (wink, wink) Wikipedia to see what they had to say on the subject. After reading their description of 'Cold Turkey' and how more times than not, it's not an effective form of de-addition and could, in fact, lead to death, I decided to give up and write my own harrowing, positive experience with the phrase! What do industry experts know anyway. This is the world according to Carlee!

A couple of months ago, my friend Melissa and I decided to go on a 'No Sugar' bet for the next few months in order to help shed some baby fat (at least that's what I like to call it) before our trip to Hawaii. We said that we could only expose ourselves to the sugary world of Treat Land twice a month until our trip. If we fell off the wagon, the bill for one of our many Hawaii activities was the loser's to own. So, I stopped eating sweets. Cold turkey quit. One day it was ice cream and M&Ms and the next it was nothing. Not even a little. Results of the little experiment: haven't screwed up yet. Here we are almost three months later and I am still 98% sugar free! (That 2% is saved for my sweet personality of course. . .psych! It's really for the two treats I am allotted each month.) I call that success.

Second cold turkey trial. About 3 weeks ago I realized that even though the sugar free game was fun and all, my diet still sucked. What was the source of my heartache? Oddly enough, it was the source of my joy - pizza and french fries. I came to the realization that even though the sugarless endeavor was probably good for me, replacing the cake with the pizza wasn't exactly helping the baby fat wave bye bye. So, I did it. I resolved to cut out my two absolute favorite bad-for-you foods for the next couple of months. Again, cold turkey. One day it was Red Robin and Papa John's. The next day, nothing. Not even a little.

While I am not going to lie and say that I don't miss my favorite things (I want pizza pretty much every day), I will say that it's been less painful than I thought it would be. Would eating one piece of pizza kill me? Probably not. It probably wouldn't even make me gain extra baby fat. BUT, staying completely away from the temptation has done wonders for the self control. I'm an advocate. if you want to ditch something in your life, cold turkey is the way to do it. Just get rid of it. . . completely. No farting around with weaning things out. Rip the band aid. I promise you'll feel much better once you do. Maybe more hungry, but better nonetheless!

Now that I think about it, it IS pretty ironic that it's literally cold turkey that's ended up replacing the pizza and fries addiction! I do love those sandwiches.

Isn't that personal?

I have been waiting for blogger NOT to be broken so that I could tell the funnist, yet weirdest story from yesterday.

Steph and I (in our new cube arrangement) sit around a corner from each other. It's sad that we no longer share a wall but luckily, we are still privy to some of the same experiences. . . like the one that happened yesterday. In an area between the two of us sits 'The Temp', as she is lovingly referred to. Steph has blogged about this special girl before and her hallway habits (she doesn't get a cube, she sits at a table in the hall) which include but are not limited to evesdropping, leaving her chair pushed out in the middle of the hall so it's a nucense to us all, talking to herself and finally, and most important to this story, talking about her personal life REALLY, REALLY loudly on the phone.

I guess nobody told her that it's Datamark culture to take your personal calls in the shop? It's really not a more 'secure' area per se as anyone could walk by and hear you talking to your potential new boss, but it is more private as nobody works out there full time. Well, because of this training oversight on our part, we've been able to hear the temp talk about her sick mother on a daily basis (we took a vote and we DO feel bad, so we aren't heartless. . . it's just hard to listen to!), her car issues and the conversation to end all conversations. . . her love life.
Yesterday, the usual ruckus was happening and I heard her on the phone. I wasn't really paying attention until the conversation started getting ugly. As soon as my curiousity was peaked, the Instant Messenger fired up:

Stephanie: Are you hearing this?
Carlee: Yeah. . . holy crap!
Stephanie: Is she breaking up with her boyfriend in the middle of the hallway?
Carlee: Yeah. . . holy crap!
Sidenote: Yes, I am aware that Stephanie is much more eloquent in expressing her interest than I am but I couldn't say anything else!

It was happening folks. The temp was having a lover's quarrel on her phone in the middle of the hall! This day was about to get good. . . Just as an FYI, this conversation took place at the early hour of 9:30 am and lasted for at least 25 minutes. Some of the best 'break-up fight' lines were used so there was no disappointment in this one. The gloves reall came off and I have to give props for the most cliche arguement that I maybe have ever heard.

In honor of The Oscars last Sunday, I'd like to present the nominees for 'Best Cliche Line in a Hallway Fight'. And the nominees are:

• 'You are so childish. . . '
• 'Why? Because I said so! That's why!'
• 'You WILL listen to what I have to say whether you like it or not and you know what, you won't like it!'
• 'You know why you think that? Because you are selfish and you always have been.'
• 'You're only doing this because it's your defense mechanism. . .'
  

and finally. . .

• 'I am not even going to discuss this with you!'

The vote are in and the winner of the 'Best Cliche Line in a Hallway Fight' goes to. . . . 'You know why you think that? Because you are selfish and you always have been.' And the crowd roars. . . .

Anytime you say the word 'selfish' in a fight, while you are talking loudly in the middle of the hall, while people are trying to work, you automatically are issued 15 ironic points which catapults you into the lead.

Any other favorites from this conversation? If your favorite cliche fight line isn't here, hit me with it. I'm so amused. . .

Best Conversation of the Week

Amanda: Hey Dan.
Dan: Can we talk for a second about SJVC?
Amanda: Sure.
Dan: What the hell?
Amanda: I don't know.
Dan: Ok.

At this point Dan walked away. So it goes. . .

I knew it!

Thanks to Todd, I now have imperical proof that my job is sucking the very life out of me. Ok, maybe it's not 'imperical' per se and it's more like sucking the brains out of me than the life. . . but they overlap, right?
Just when you thought it was safe to go to that meeting. . . check this out!

Only in the Movies??

So you know that scene in the Sex and the City opener when Sarah Jessica Parker is walking and gets completely soaked by a bus. Well, in no way was a wearing a tutu and in no way was I in downtown Manhattan. . .but in the most important aspects of the story, that, my friends, was me this morning. If you thought this crap only happened in the movies (like I did as recently as 8:30 this morning), I'm hear to burst your reality bubble. It happens. . . in real life. Here's how it all shook out:

I stopped and bought an orange juice this morning - hoping to bring a little sunshine to this overcast and snowy day. I put the bottle of oj on my passenger seat and proceeded to work. As often happens, the oj was not content with staying on the passenger seat and rolled between the seat and the door. Now that I look back, it was an omen - sent to tell me that something was weird about that passenger door and that I should stay away. Ignored it.

When I pulled into work, I noticed that the parking lot was particularly slushy (yes, that's the technical word for it) and new it would be a pain to traipse around my car to go a dig out my oj. In one last attempt to save my shoes from being soaked (an annoyance that I'm sure we have all dealt with), I reached across the passenger seat to see if I could fingertip my way to victory and retrieve my beverage. Failure. I pushed it further under the seat. It was time to admit defeat and go around and get my oj.

After making my way rather skillfully around the car and retrieving my drink, I turned to head inside. Just as I tuned, I heard a familiar but not automatically recognizable sound. The thought process and senseless four second elimination began: airplane, no. . . diesel, no. . .lawn mower, snowing. . .got it! And then as the panic set in, it was too late. Enter this bad boy:

Yup. Snowplow. That's it! Just as my excitement of winning my internal guessing game came to fruition, it was washed away. . . literally. In a matter of two seconds, I went from being a dry, orange juice drinker to a wet, plow bullied pedestrian. I was soaked.

In my fear, I had thrown my purse up in front of my face to make an attempt at protecting my makeup and my punk-rocker hair that I so meticulously did this morning. Hair, ok. Makeup, ok. Purse, not so ok. The outside is still wet (a few hours later) and the inside, well, let's just say that paper products and water do not a good combo make.

No, I didn't get mad. It was too late. I was already wet so what good would being mad do? Nothing. I laughed. . . really hard. I think it was because of my good attitude that I had some good fortune. The water, surprisingly, was not dirty (how that happens in the center of a SICK parking lot, I don't know). But, the white sweatshirt angels were watching out for me because my shirt still looks pretty clean, even after being covered in sick parking lot water! Nothing was ruined completely and my purse will recover.

Only in the movies? I think not. . . Happy Friday all!

Is it just me?

So it's been a while - and oooohhhhh, how I've missed my blog. After having a positively busy week (with the exception, of course, being the ever popular Valentine's Day on which I had no date), I have finally found time to blog again!

Sidenote - Valentine's Day was actually pretty good this year so I'm in no way, shape or form complaining about my lack of date. I started out the day with an interesting observation that Valentine's Day actually has the same initials as a sick STD, which was funny enough to send via text to everyone that I know, of course. . . or so I thought! Then I spent the night making waffles and having an intense run-in with a girl at an ice cream place (her name was Sarah and she was awful at her job, ranting and raving like she may die before the night was through) all while hanging out with my unbelievably rad friends. All I have to say is good times.
Back to the blog. . .

So I work in West Valley which is affectionately known as the arm pit of Salt Lake Valley because of it's often pungent aroma from the lake effect and/or the homeless people scattered throughout as well as it's high crime rate. There are more cheap cars with free-spinning wheels per capita in West Valley than anywhere in the US (OK, that's a made-up statistic but it's probably pretty close). Bottom line, it's kind of a trash hole.

Anyway, because I work in West Valley I often find myself needing to patron the business establishments in the city during my lunch hour. In addition to going on the ever-popular hunt for food, a girl has got to run errands occasionally. I try to use my lunch hour for the greater good and check-off some nagging items on my to-do list. You know, pick up film, fill up the gas tank, get a baby shower gift, etc.

Today was just one of those days where I had to set out to accomplish something on my lunch hour. The Mission: to get copies made. The Target: Staples. Estimated Completion Time: 25 minutes (and I really think that was generous?) Lesson Learned: I now know that I should have listened to Stephanie and gone to Kinkos. I was wrong. Synopsis: Did you know that copiers have a hard time with card stock? Well they do. At least this one. . . ok two. . . did. Why would they have problems at a place that offers you card stock to copy on? Because I'm me and they can't ever NOT have problems. My copies jammed the first machine and wouldn't work in the second machine so the copy girl (so she came to be known) went back to the first machine. Then, the battle became which side went which direction and face up or down in order to do two-sided copies. Do you think if you work at a copy place, you would generally pick up on something like that after a day or so? I would think so. . but then I don't make copies for a living. I quickly realized it was not the task itself that was difficult. It was the competent worker that made it so. Final Time for Completion: 1 hour. That's right, 1 hour and 20 copies later. . . I was on my way back to work having not accomplished the other lunchtime errands I had to get done.

So, this little escapade got me thinking about the last 6 months of errand running and the trouble that I've had getting things done. I stated wondering: Is it me? Am I an incompetent consumer? Do I not know how to shop correctly? Am I searching for the impossible when I shop? Then my senses kicked in. Pish, posh. I have a blackbelt in shopping and a second one in customer service. I can shop. I'm not looking for shoes at Staples. I'm looking for copies dang it! Not unreasonable. So maybe it's the high standards that I have set that make anything less than great an abysmal failure? Read on and you decide if my complaints are unwarranted. I've made a list of these fiascoes below:

Tried to get a new cell phone from Cingular only after they sent me a text with an offer for a free upgrade. The guy that worked there asked me 'what I wanted' when I walked in. . Bad start. Did they have the phone? Nope. Did the guy even know what I was talking about? Nope. Did he try to give me their regular free phones that they have in a crate in the box? Yes he did. Does that sound like an upgrade? I didn't think so either.

Went to Quiznos to get a delicious salad that is an important part of their menu. You know what they were out of? Lettuce. Salad minus lettuce equals disappointment.

Second trip to Quiznos a couple of months later, this time looking for a delicious toasted sub. That selling point IS Quiznos, is it not? Well, to my dismay, the oven was broken. No toasty for me or my com padres. Toasted is Quiznos, Quiznos is toasted. What the crap? Quiznos is to toasted like lettuce is to salad. . .

Meineke, oil change. Left my car at the Meineke in West Valley while we went to lunch down the street. I came back an hour later to pick up my car and here's the conversation that took place: Carlee: 'Is my car done?' Meineke Man: 'We're waiting on the oil.' Carlee: 'Huh?' Meineke Man: 'We are out of oil. We've got some being delivered.' How does a place like that run out of oil? They must have been expecting me. After waiting for another 15 minutes I finally asked 'Where is the oil being delivered from?' Meineke Man: 'Oh, right there from Pep Boys.' During this time, Meineke Man was point across the parking lot to their neighboring store Pep Boys. Did anyone walk over there an get the oil? Nope. They were content waiting for it to be delivered. . .and it was. 10 minutes later, we watched as the Pep Boys driver loaded the oil in the back of a truck and DROVE it across the parking lot. Yep. . . it was amazing.

Ok, so now the question. . .am I crazy in thinking that this is an odd chain of events? Does this stuff happen often? It seems like I am going all of the right places to accomplish the things I am trying to get done but nothing seems to be working. What can you do?

Bag of Bones

No, I'm not talking about the next sequel in the Pirates of the Caribbean series. . . although that really would be a good title, eh? I'm talking about her - the girl at my work that I have made reference to in my blog before. You remember, she's the one that sat at work and complained (loudly) that she just couldn't find clothes that were small enough to fit her (growl. . .). How lame.

Anyway, thanks to the worst transition ever held at work, we moved cubicles at work and now, rather than hear her morning rant about clothing or food storage or her allergies, she's at the other end of the building telling other people who don't care either! It's so great! I couldn't hear her even if I wanted to. . . which is less likely to happen than me ever complaining about not finding clothes that are small enough. What a blessing.

Sadly, also thanks to this transition, I am now working on the same team that she spends most of her time working on. Luckily, I don't do that much with her but I do now run into her in meetings every now and again. . . like this very fateful morning.

Long story short, I had to take my laptop into the meeting so that we could project something and my desktop picture is this lovely photo of your friend and mine from The Office - Dwight. He's nerdy and lovable all at the same time. Thanks for sending this Nat - I love it!

So anyway, of course this sparked some good conversation about tonight's episode (Shameless Plug - go Jim and Pam! "Give the people what they want!"). Another guy that we worked with asked B.O.B. if she watched The Office to which she quickly replied "No thanks. . . that is the dumbest show ever! Why would anyone watch that?"

Now, I'm not usually one to get offended but DO NOT say things like that when I clearly am obsessed. That's like telling a girl that just cut her hair off that all short hair is ugly. Would you do it? No. Why? Because you have tact - which appears to be a train that B.O.B. seriously missed out on. I don't even think she bought a ticket. I was so unnerved that I wanted to eat something in front of her and ask her how it felt to be allergic to everything. Rude, I know. But I couldn't help it. . . the fiery pit of anger was back - just like when I used to hear about her allergies.

Dwight is right - its all about determination. . .determination to make her pay. I feel like there is another stapler that should go in Jell-O. Anyone want in?

Theme it out

January 2007 Theme: 'I hope life isn't a BIG JOKE, because I don't get it.' (thanks for the inspiration Eric)

February 2007 Theme: 'Heck yes!'

Just as a status update. . . things are getting better. Clearly. . .

Random Stuff

What am I doing right now? Sitting in on the lamest phone call maybe ever. Don't get me wrong, the information is really good for the other parties involved. Me? I don't really care about how to talk to Military personnel when you are a rep at a school. 'Why would you not care about such a thing?' you may be asking? Well, let me tell you:

1. I will never be an admissions rep at a school. No desire to do it at all. I'd probably rather work at Wal-Mart and you all know my raging feelings about that. and. . .

2. I will never have the guts to be in the Military. I pay my taxes so that other brave souls will be in the Military and be compensated so that they can go to school. I would sooner take my chances in a chicken fight with a train than join the Military. My personal odds of survival are better. I'm admitting right now - I'm too scared to go to war, too lazy to run that much, too girly to shoot anything and way too opinionated to be yelled at. Mad props to all of those folks that are brave enough to join up and protect my sorry rear-end. I vow here and now to continue to pay my taxes so that the GI Bill will continue to exist.

I had trouble coming up with a title to this blog because I didn't have anything in particular to talk about - I just felt like writing. So, 'Random Stuff' it is. Some thoughts I've had over the last little while (by no means ordered by subject matter or importance). . .

• We were trying to figure out the name of that show on PBS that had the mannequin and Muffy the mouse and it just hit me. It's Today's Special. Jeff, Jodie, Sam and Muffy. Good times.
• Remember that part on Napolean Dynamite where Pedro says 'I like her bangs.'? Well, I like my bangs. In fact, I don't know how I survived without them for so many years. They add dimension to my hair and I like that.
• Best television show of all time still belongs to The Office. There is no better comedy ever written or played, period.
• I like straight shooters - people who get right to the point and tell it like it is. Granted, I don't like them so much when the news is harsh AND it's directed at me, but I think I get over it pretty fast. Maybe my sudden liking has to do with my new years resolution to be brave and go after what I want, I don't know. But, I think it's the best way to be.
• I have cold hands. . . a lot. I don't know what the issue is. It's not like I have particularly long arms so the circulation struggles or something. They are just cold. . . and I hate it. Every time my hands get cold, the skin looks like it stretches (because really the muscles just shrink) and then I have grandma hands. Ok, not totally. . . but a little.
• I would die without the internet and email. Quite literally, I think that I would. This is evidenced by the fact that my Outlook was down from 4:00 yesterday to 10:45 this morning and I felt like I was missing an arm. How does a person become THAT dependent on a computer? I feel like it's my everything - ok, it is my everything. Which is why I bought a snazzy new laptop of my own (here it is) rather than always relying on work's to get my stuff done. I love it. . . except for the 'transferring files from my old computer' thing but that has been made easier thanks to my dear friend Gib and his external hard drive. Heaven bless technology! Anyone want to buy a 'slightly used' Sony Vaio?
• Meredith Vieira on the Today Show = better than I thought. I was an avid Couric fan but Mer is really doing it for me. . . mainly because she isn't so serious that it hurts. I like her - and I don't care what anyone has to say about it.
• Latest television craze (besides The Office and Grey's) = Dateline: To Catch a Predator. Am I so sick because I love this show? I hope not because I DO love it. Mainly I like seeing these sick perves get arrested and cry like little kids when they realize that now EVERYONE knows they are perverts. What an idea! Who would have thought that 13 year old jailbait actually worked. These guys aren't just sick - they are idiots.

Ok, that was a good spout of random thoughts. I feel so much better.

Money, money, money, money. . .MONEY!

So, I just read through my last blog and boy was I a downer or what? Well, rightfully so, I think. BUT, the winds are changing. That's right - I'm in a good enough mood to quote a Disney movie (Mary Poppins for those of you who didn't get that)! It's the start of February and you know what that means? Serious cash intake. That's right. . . it's bonus and tax time. I am sitting square in the middle of cash flow and I don't really know what to do with myself. Goodness, this is the best luck that I've had in some time. Here's what I'm talking about:

1. Unexpected Bonus at work. What makes it so great? The fact that it was 100% unexpected! All we've heard all year is that we aren't making our goals financially so all we've joked about all year is that we have a snowball's chance of getting any sort of a bonus; even the thought of a frozen turkey was out of the question (for all of you DMers, you know what I'm saying). But, out of the blue last week we get an email saying that we are getting a piece of the department pie. . . that's right. I was so excited that I almost peed a little! (Ok, not really but I think that you can glean my level of excitement from that phrase.) The only downer - it's taxable. I share Steph's sentiments when she says 'Man, do I wish that bonus would've gone straight to my pocket!' Agreed, little grasshopper. . . agreed.

2. TAXES! I got my taxes done already and you know what happens when you pay sick amounts of interest on your house? You get a chunk of it back! How great is that? Plus, thank heavens for that charitable contributions line, eh? For all you kids out there, it really does pay to pay your tithing. Wahoo! Hawaii. . .here I come. Ok, I was actually coming already but now I can actually afford it!

Bottom line, February is kicking January's butt so far and we are only 5 days in. Please say this is going to continue. . . please say this is going to continue. . .

What a Week!

Ok, so not to be a total downer but 2007, thus far, is not all that I was hoping it would be. In fact, I think that the term that I've used most often in reference to the last month is 'blows chunks!' That's right folks. . . someone better fix this year and fix it fast before I call it quits and sit in a basement (I say 'a' basement because my house is so small that I don't have one so I'll have to borrow someone's. . . add to the sulking) for the rest of the year. So, the start of January came through in a blaze of glory. . . I made some headway on my New Year's resolutions and was filling good about things in general. Then, the last two weeks happened and it's been a nightmare to deal with. A couple of things to note:

3, yes 3, people that I knew or was associated with have died in the last 10 days. . . all three in car accidents. Do I ever want to drive again? Nope, sure don't. Death is exhausting whether it impacts you directly or impacts people you know. It's sad and really makes you introspective which is a complete task - especially if your life is as messed up as mine. Emotionally spent.

My work just went through would could be termed as 'The Worst Handled Transition in the World' last Friday. It takes the cake for catching people off guard. Am I excited about the new position that I got? Nope. Is it because it's a bad position? Nope. I haven't had the chance to be excited yet because the announcements were handled in the worst fashion ever - a public forum. 'Hey. . . here's your new spot and here's what you aren't doing anymore. Carlee, we're taking your favorite account away. Don't feel bad.' Did I cry? Sure did. At my desk. And I'm still angry about it. Frankly, some people are lucky that there weren't MORE 'personal meetings' scheduled to deal with this mess. Number of happy people at Datamark = very few. Number of angry and/or nervous people at Datamark = everyone. Brilliantly handled. Again, emotionally spent.

Tried to get a new phone because mine is falling apart. Cingular guys. . . not helpful. I don't want a phone that plays mp3s or flashes strobe lights or does my stinking dishes. Just want one that will make calls with clarity and send texts with lightening speed. Do they have a phone like that? Nope. Unless I want to go online and find one myself. . . point of clarity - there IS a reason that I came into the store and that is so I don't have to order it online. What a joke.

I'm not going to continue because frankly, if I listed all of the things that bothered me about the last week, we'd be here for another one.

Quote of the week (thanks Eric) "I hope life isn't a BIG JOKE, because I don't get it!" Nuff said. . .

It's got to get better, right? Some words of encouragement people!

Gotta Want it. . . bad!

I know that your mind is going crazy wondering what this title could reference and yes, the answer is many things (some too inappropriate to talk about with this viewing audience - Matthew, get your mind out of the gutter).
Anyway, the topic of choice today is food. 'How did you arrive at this?' you may be asking yourself. Well, the reasons are threefold - 1. I love food so why not talk about it. 2. It's lunchtime and that's got me thinking. . . and finally 3.My life may be boring enough in it's current state that I've got nothing else. So, without further adieu. . .
My sweet mother bought me a delightful lunch treat for today - sushi. Granted, a lot of people don't love sushi and I thought for certain that I would never be a person that did. But, thanks to the Tepanyaki and a fabulous Vegas Roll that I once had, it's not so bad. Anyway, back to the lunch treat. I occasionally get these fun things to bring to work for lunch and the inevitable happens: what looks like an excellent idea at 8:00 in the morning does not sound so pleasant once you hit lunch. Sushi is always pretty and looks delicious, but you really have to prep yourself for that slightly fishy flavor to hit the palate or it's a lost cause. Today = not prepared.
Now I've developed a new problem - still hungry, slightly grossed out. Needless to say, I may need to find someone else to finish my lunch. Bugger.

The Order of Things

Occasionally I go on trips. Yes, I would consider myself an fairly seasoned traveler. I like to go on vacation. . . in fact, that's the preferred way to spend my money. So, why I felt like I needed to qualify this blog by giving you my traveling background, I don't know EXCEPT for the fact that I do know what I'm talking about when it comes to my favorite pastime.

Yesterday, I went on a quick jaunt to San Diego. For fun? Nope. For work. If I go to San Diego on my own dime, you better believe I wouldn't stay for only a day. I love it so much that I may go and stay for life!

Anyway, occasionally, I go on these day trips for my job that allow me to go to really exotic places like sunny So. Cal. Because it's a day trip and we are on a strict airport (really early) to rental car to meeting to rental car to airport (usually late) kind of schedule, I will admit that my sensitivity to daily annoyances could be heightened. OR, maybe there is a really large number of daily annoyances that happen to occur within the confines of a puddle-jumper? I don't really know. . . either way, you can see where I'm going. . .man, was I annoyed!

So, in the spirit of lists, I'm going to tell you about my trip by explaining the very things that bug me about people when I travel. Yes, all of these did in fact happen to me and my traveling cohort Lindsay a mere 24 hours ago. Here we go. . .

1. Security. Have people never been through security before because I thought it was a pretty common practice? Please don't put each item that you are carrying in an individual bucket. There is no need. That big machine actually does x-ray. It can see through your coat. Also, that belt buckle will go off in the metal detector just like it did last time because it's metal. If you are going through a metal detector and it beeps at you, please take all pieces of metal off your person rather than taking one off at a time and thinking to yourself 'Hmmm. . . I wonder if that's the one that set it off?' and continuing to test your theory until at last, you find the culprit.

2. Looking for your row. This could be the kicker for me and I know you have all seen it - those people that start walking down the aisle of the plane feeling so lost that they have this look on their face like they are hunting for quality clothing at Wal-Mart. You can hear their monologue just by looking at them. . .'Where is that darn seat of mine? I just can't seem to locate it. I know, I'll look at every one of these numbers until I see my row. . .' Call me crazy but the rows are in order - always have been and always will be. If your ticket reads 17c and you are just getting on the plane, please note that you have 17 rows to go until you find your seat. Do not stop at each row and examine it like all of a sudden you'll see your chair hiding in row 5. That little sign will NOT change to say 5a, 5b, 17c and 5d. I'll bet my paycheck on that.

3. The steward(ess)'s response to the afore-mentioned wanderer. When a person looks that confused, they deserve to worry about where their seat is located on their own. Please don't ask them what they are looking for because then you will deserve an answer like 'My pet rat.' What do you think they are looking for? Don't ask. And, should you need to give them directions to their numbered seat, don't start them with 'Go straight down the aisle. . ' If I were a stewardess, I would say 'Go left two chairs and then back 6 and then crawl over that bald guy and. . ' Don't 'help' the situation by playing captain obvious. '16 comes after 17 and before 18. . .'

4. Local time. So, you can serve peanuts but not tell time? I get it. Twice (I am not kidding - this happened at the end of BOTH of our flights) the stewardess didn't know how to tell time. A story problem, if you will. . . There was a 1 hour time change from here to Cali. It was 7:50 here when we landed in Cali. What time would it be in California? What? The answer is not 9:50? I'm shocked. You can do that little exercise backwards as well to figure out what our flight home was like.

5. Babies. I love babies - they are adorable and cuddly and sweet. . . when they are sleeping on a plane. Luckily, the baby that was directly behind be only started kicking my chair the last 10 minutes of the flight so it wasn't that bad. What got me was the crazy old lady sitting next to the dad with the baby. Apparently, she loves babies too and she likes to make these horrible noises to communicate with them. I can take the high-pitched baby talk, no problem. But, this lady decided to make this ticking noise that sounded like a chipmunk going to town on an acorn. Over and over she ticked at this poor baby. At that point, I almost wanted to cry like a baby until someone let me out.

6. Getting hit in the head with some guys large and in charge suitcase and having him look at you like you are in the way for being in your seat. Ok, this isn't a regular annoyance but it hurt so I had to include it.

7. Door rushers. Last but not least. . . those people that get up as soon as the plane stops and rush to the front so that they can be the first one off. Obviously, there time is more valuable than anyone else's. I am yet to see the airline that ranks your disembarking privledges based on importance. There are only two reasons why you should be able to run off a plane - the first doesn't apply to men and should only be used as an excuse if you have (as my friend Rachel says) 'a total disaster.' The second doesn't happen on a plane because all they serve you are crackers and peanuts and neither of those can do that kind of damage. SO, sit down and wait your turn.

Wow, I needed to get that out. I hope that those of you that travel will pay attention to these simple courtesies and be mindful that YOU may be the culprit. Happy Trails. . .

And the spamming continues. . .

So, as follow-up to a previous post called Spam-alot, I have decided to show you some imperical proof that my grandmother is a spammer. That's right folks. . . she did it again and this time, it was too good not to post as proof of absolute madness.
This email starts with an odd statement - 'the ten things God won't ask on that day. . .' really, there are only ten? Here's the photo that starts the sequence in all it's glory:

Do you feel inspired? Because I. . . didn't. The email then proceeds to tell me that the MAN himself will not care about my job or my house or my car or my friends. No, no. None of that is important. So, while all of that is trivial info. . . here's the kicker and the final slide of the series:

Just so you can't say that you haven't been warned. . . God won't need to ask you if you forward emails because he already knows. 'Nuff said?

I have got to put an end to this madness once and for all. Does anyone have any suggestions how to solve this issue? I only see one solution right now and that is to start sending back hate mail in return. Granted, my judgement may be a little foggy because I'm a little annoyed now. . . but can I can that? Do I send hate mail back or is there some other more logical way to deal with this crap?

How could I have forgotten!

Oh sweet Saved By The Bell! How could I have left you out of my television theme song blog? Did I forget about Zack Morris? I couldn't have. And AC Slater, we still meet in my dreams occasionally. I feel as though I have sinned against humanity as this could be the greatest show of all time.
Yes, it was better this way becuase now it stands out above the rest - as it should. Never to be shamed again. . . here are ALL of the lyrics!

When I wake up in the mornin',
And the 'larm gives out a warnin',
I don't think I'll ever make it on time,
By the time I grab my books,
And I give myself a look,
I'm at the corner just in time to see the bus fly by!
It's all right 'cuz I'm saved by the bell.
If the teacher pops a test,
I know I'm in a mess,
And my dog ate all my homework last night,
Ridin' low in my chair,
She won't know that I'm there,
If I can hand it in tomorrow, it'll be all right!
It's all right 'cuz I'm saved by the bell.
It's all right 'cuz I'm saved by the bell.

Flashback!

This weekend I had the incredible opportunity of being swept back to my childhood. No, I didn't play Candy Land or find my old collection of pogs. It's far more exciting than that. I was taken back to my younger days thanks to the incredible sound-stylings of the DJ at Comedy Sportz in Provo. Shameless Plug Again: yes, I already plugged this establishment in my blog about the car accident but I'll do it again. . . this time specifically about 3 of the players who filled my Saturday night with hilarity - Matt, Jeff and Scott. So funny! There are never any girls. . . because girls aren't funny enough (or maybe stupid enough) to do the show on a regular basis. In fact, $20 says they only call them in desperation - like if one of the guys all of a sudden has his appendix explode or something?

Anyway, the DJ at the show usually plays some good tunes but Saturday was incredible. Right in the middle of a musical chairs game, a familiar tune blared out of the sound system - 'Life is like a hurricane, here in Duck-berg. . ' That's right. It was the Ducktales theme song in all it's glory! I got so excited (as did the rest of the audience) that I didn't know what to do with myself other than set a mental note to go home and download. (I did it so if you need to hear it, please, feel free to stop by).

So, that got us talking on the ride home about the great television shows/theme songs from our younger days and I got so excited that I thought I would spread the cheer via blog. Here are some of the great ones that we came up with (some better known for the show rather than the song but, it's a good list none-the-less) - they should spark some memories and please, keep them coming.

1. Full House - you can't fight it. You watched it AND at least once said 'You got it, dude.' Just to refresh your theme song memory. . . 'What ever happened to predictability? The milk man, the paperboy. . .' You got it?
2. Charles in Charge - Scott Baio? For sure. I don't even need to reprise that theme song - start with the title!
3. Family Matters - Urkel and 'Did I do that?' made a profound impact on my Friday nights when I was young. Not to mention that Eddie had steps cut into his flat-top. That was hot. 'As days go by. . .' and they did. Didn't Urkel become a hot guy at one point? I think so. . . named Stefan?
4. Mr. Belvedere - 'Streaks on the china, never mattered before. . . who cares?' That was a weird show. I heard once that Marilyn Manson was the oldest kid in that show? He wasn't. . . but I still maintain that cheesy TV like that COULD, in fact, do that to a person.
5. Growing Pains - ahhh, the Seaver family. They were so perfect. Who know that one day a religious zealot and an annorexic would come out of that party? 'As long as we've got each other. We've got the world spinning right in our hands. . .'
6. Golden Girls - 'Thank you for being a friend. . .' and thank YOU for all of those over-sized silk shirts ladies! They have provided hours of mocking for a certain person at the office! Is it bad to call someone Blanche behind their back?
7. Perfect Strangers - let's be honest, nobody knows the theme song but everyone DOES remember Cousin Balkey. . . that rascal.
8. Who's the Boss - "There's a path you take and a path not taken. . . the choice is up to you my friend." While the theme song IS inspiring, it's hard to remember the tune. But, nobody forgets that large blue van in the intro or Tony sliding head first into home plate during the theme song. Did you ever wonder what you would do if you really had a Grandma like Mona? Really, a slutty 65-year-old. One comment: sick.
9. The Wonder Years - 'What would you do if I sang out of tune. . " isn't that what you are doing? I wasn't a huge fan of the 60s sounding, Baptist choir including theme song, but it's a classic.
10. Blossom - 19 costume changes by the end of the three-bar lyrics was pretty impressive. The song is actually called 'My Opinionation' which makes me say 'Whoa!' Yes, I participated in the hat frenzy sparked by Blossom and her sidekick Six. What kind of a name is that anyway?

Ok, so there is a good start. Most people remember the shows on the above list and can probably sing at least part of the theme song which DOES excite me. Many of the other shows that I recall came from my cable-watching days as a child. Basically, Nickelodeon was my best friend growing up. A few of the good ones that are noteworthy from there are Hey Dude, Salute Your Shorts, You Can't do That on Television, Clarissa Explains it All and of course the game show category: Double Dare, GUTS and Wild and Crazy Kids.

Hope your trip down memory lane is as good as mine was. . . don't forget to hit me with your favorites!

I Resolve:

In the spirit of the New Year, I decided that it would be good to write down my New Year's resolutions in a place that I hold close to my heart. . .ok really, I figured that maybe if I put them on my blog, my friends would give me a hard time if I try to break them and it may help keep me on the straight and narrow a little? So, that's the plan. Here's my vague, yet important, list of New Year's Resolutions for all the world to see:

1. Live on purpose. I'm a chicken, most of the time, when it comes to feelings or just plain being blah about things. I'm a 'whatever' girl and while I think it's good to be agreeable, it's not good to be a pushover. So, I'm living on purpose and with a purpose. No more being scared. 2007 is the year for bravery.
2. Stop swearing as much as I currently do (Now I don't have the mouth of a sailor and we must all realize that some swearing does offer comedic value but I'm to the point of being a bit out of control. Time to stop. . .or at least slow down.).
3. Cook more. Suprisingly, I like doing it. Mom, don't faint. It can be fun. . . if you plan ahead. So that's what I'm going to do. It probably won't be a lot but anything is better than what I currently do. Besides, eating out is expensive! If I cook then I can have a hot lunch and not have to spend $9 for it. Which leads me to:
4. Don't spend so much money on useless crap. I have a shopping problem. Everyone is aware of it. I spend a lot of money on useless junk (like eating out) that could be used for better purposes. I want to cut my 'useless crap' budget by at least 1/3.
5. 20 bye 20 - Mel, that one's for you. Keep me in line. This is a 'less sugar' resolution that I made with mi amiga Melissa. I may be cranky until April but I'm hoping it's worth it?

Ok, so there are a lot more resolutions that I've made for myself than are probably feasible. In fact, there are 3 or 4 more that I didn't even list that fall under the 'be a better person in general' category or spiritual goals that I don't know that I'll share just yet. But, I think I'm off to a good start. I've already been going on 4/5 for a few days now so I'm hoping that will continue. (That bravery one is much harder than it looks). So, if you see me in a week and I'm a resolution mess, kick me in the pants (figuratively) and get me going.

Question for the day: What are your biggest New Year's resolution flops? You know, the ones that you always make and always break? Maybe I can adopt a few more to add to my growing list!

Who in their right mind. . .

Question: What do cards, no sleep, Mario Cart and killer tunes add up to? One stellar New Year's eve of course! That's right, it's 5:25 am on New Year's Day and I am STILL awake - nope, not awake again. Still awake. I spent the night at a couple of houses in Salt Lake and then my rad buds decided to come and play Mario at my house. (I use the term 'rad' strictly in reference to the fact that we are playing Nintendo. Fits, right?) For the first time in years I am having what I consider to be a great New year's Eve, but then that may be the lack of sleep that is talking.
Although it's been fun, I would be lying if I said that the title of my blog hasn't run through my mind multiple times since 3:00 - what in the heck am I thinking?

One of My Favorite Things

Nope, I'm not talking about the over-sized PEZ dispenser I got for Christmas (although I do very much enjoy that too!). . . I am talking about those moments in life that just make you step back and say 'Whhhhaaaaaatttt?' I had such a moment this weekend.

I've officially notched one more mark in my post-high school 'that was an awkward but so great encounter' pole. I am talking about those moments that you just want to tell everyone about and even though nobody REALLY cares, they can relate. There is usually some sort of snotty 'revenge' factor involved and I thrive on it - sad, but true. I'm sure many of you have heard about my first glorious moment on this list with the basketball player from high school that I ran into while I was buying ice cream for people at work and he was the one serving it. Yeah, that's right. Baskin Robins baby!

So, this weekend's encounter happened with one of my old teachers from elementary school. Although she was one of my favorites, she did make an attempt to scar me for life by asking me not to raise my hand so much in class. (For those of you who don't get it yet, I was a mild kiss up in school. I knew I was smart. . .and I wanted everyone else to know that too, I guess? Man, I was a brat. Over it. . . I hope.) Yes, she actually asked me not to raise my hand so much because the other kids feel intimidated. For you elementary school teachers out there, this is NOT a good tactic. Asking a kid to stop trying in school before they are even in Jr High (or ever really) is not the brightest idea. Good thing I didn't listen. . . ok really, it's a good thing that my parents had some four letter words to say about it so I continued to raise my hand. Anyway, no permanent damage but I will never forget. . .

So, I happened to run into this teacher at a large retailer the morning after Christmas. . . ok, ok it was Wal-Mart. Whew, that feels better now that I've aired my dirty laundry. I went to Wal-Mart to buy storage tubs. Anyway, the run-in happened at the check-out counter and this was the conversation:

Teacher: 'It's. . . Carlee. . . right?'
Carlee: 'Yeah, how are you?'
Teacher: 'Good. What are you up to?'

Story Pause: silly me, I thought she was talking about what I was doing in life, not right this second. Otherwise, I would have said 'Buying storage tubs.' But instead, I said:

'Oh, just working and playing and living. You know, the normal.'

Here's the kicker. . . wait for it. . . to which she said 'Oh, so you work here?' with a look of total disdain on here face.

Inside Carlee monologue: 'No!!! I do NOT work at Wal-Mart! Did you see a blue vest because I'm sure not wearing one! In addition, even if I did work there I wouldn't tell you after that horrible look you just gave me. . . trying to crush my hopes for my non-existent retail future just like you did to my education in 5th grade!'

At the risk of offending anyone who does work at this fine retail establishment, I have nothing against your job. I say do what you do. All I am saying is that when someone tells you what they are 'doing', no matter what the answer, don't ever look disgusted. Ever. It doesn't matter if they say that they are working at a strip joint. Love it, embrace it, welcome it. Don't offend someone by looking like you just smelled bad milk. It's rude and if you do it, you should be shot.

To make a really long story short, I did proceed to tell her what my job is but in retrospect, I almost wished I hadn't. I wished I had invented some story about how I was on work-release from the jail and that I was only granted work release because I had to take care of my three kids. Imagine THAT face, huh?

I did chuckle to myself as I left Wal-Mart, knowing that I am fortunate enough after 3 years of work to be in a better place than she is after 20. She was so smug, I had to get some satisfaction out of that. Baskin Robins and Wal-Mart. . . man, life is good.

Holiday Sentiments. . .

So last week I promised that I would break out of my 'trying to be funny' shell and deliver and emotion-packed holiday blog. Well, Christmas has come and gone and I didn't get to blog at all over the present-stuffed, food-filled, glorious weekend that I had. It was THAT good - I couldn't even blog. But, I am going to try and tone down the humor a bit for this one so stay with me.

As I said, this weekend was filled with great things - family, friends, presents (call me spoiled, I don't care) and so much good food that my training is completely thrown off whack but at least I have leftover lunch today - nothing better. Shameless Plug: I don't care what anyone says, my mother makes the best potato salad, hands down. I know this may spark debate but I will win because she does.

Anyway, in the midst of all the pandemonium, it gets difficult for me to sit back and pay attention to what it all means. I'm like a kid in a candy store really - I love everything so much that I can't really decide what I am most grateful for. That very thought brought so much irony with it that I couldn't help but share. . . I have so many blessings in my life that it starts getting difficult to be grateful for it all.

I often think about what it is that brought me to this place (for you sarcasm enthusiasts: no, not my desk at work and yes, I know it was my car that 'brought me here') in my life. Why was it that I was born in the great place and time that I was born in? Why do I have a house and a job and a family (crazy as they can be at times) and the ability to maintain an excellent standard of living? Why am I not that homeless woman on the street or in that family that struggles to make ends meet every month? Have you ever thought about that? What is it that determined your place in life? Was it choices that were made or sheer dumb luck or maybe something more. . .it's a slight tangent but something to ponder none-the-less.

I thought about what it is that makes this season so 'magical', if you will, and I can really only come back to one thing - belief. Christmas gives people the chance to believe in something and whether it's God or Santa or simply believing in the good nature of people, it makes a difference. Believing in something brings hope and offers peace in an otherwise chaotic world. People become kinder, softer somehow. Genuine emotions can be shared without reservation or judgment. It's that belief in a greater good that does that.

At the risk of continuing on and botching this more than I already have, I will sign off shortly. I know that I rambled but that's where we are at without humor. . . rambling (at this point - I hope it gets better). I am utterly grateful for all that I have, especially the people that I have in my life. 'Things' are wonderful and I am glad that I have them, but more so, I am grateful for my friends and family. Those people that always have something to offer me when I need it - emotionally, spiritually and otherwise. I know that they aren't in my life by accident. Nothing is in my life by accident. We should live with purpose and on purpose. That is my resolution.

SPAM-alot

This might be the most ironic blog that I have posted yet, seeing as how I do work in an industry that utilizes e-mail communication to the masses. 'We send out emails to our prospective students in order to maintain. . . .' blah, blah, blah. Bottom line, we are spammers. Those emails that you get 10 copies of over the course of 3 days. . . yeah, that's my company. Sidebar - I am not directly responsible for these emails and cannot be held accountable for your mailbox being over it's size limit so don't hate.

Anyway, back to my point about this being ironic. The background on this takes a minute so please be patient. Additional warning - this is in no way meant to be sacrilegious. . . just truthful observations.

The tirade that I am bringing to the table today was spawned by a conversation with my good buddy Vale. Vale is a long-time friend and as such, still has my original email address that, embarrassingly enough makes reference to a time when 'Friends' was still on TV and it was popular to quote it. Anyway (again), Vale was kind enough to shoot me an email and in my response, I started to tell him that I was lucky that I saw it because that address is now my official 'Junk Email Address' - you know, the place where you send everything that you signed up for or needed an email address for like Ticketmaster or Delta Airlines? (You can usually pick out if a person sent you to their junk address by the email address itself. If it's their name @yahoo, you are typically ok. If it's something like cutiepie36@hotmail.com or lovestransformers@aol.com, you can pretty much bet that you have been junked.)

So this conversation got me thinking about the mass amounts of SPAM that I get every day at this email address and how it's nothing short of a miracle that the account hasn't expired. (I'd like to thank MSN Today for reminding me on a daily basis that I need to empty it.) I get all sorts of stuff to this address but there is one major violator when it comes to SPAM. You know who it is? My grandmother. Nope, that wasn't a typo. That's right world, my grandmother is a spammer and one of the worst kinds! Not only do I get email (strike that, I very RARELY get an actual email that she has written and if I do, it's to the whole free world) after story after poem after pictures of cute kittens hugging puppies , the emails usually have some sort of religious bottom-line that is hidden in the depths of the sign-off.

Again, this is where this could go astray. I am a religious person. I believe in God. I respect Him and the fact that He gives us blessings. I do not, however, think that He starts or even really condones SPAM.

I'm sure you have all seen what I am talking about - you get some random email that talks about friendship or some inherently good moral value and then the email is ruined by the line 'If you love Jesus, you will forward this to everyone you know. If you don't love Jesus and hate all people, you will delete this.' Now, is that really fair? Just because I don't feel like spamming my friends with some 40 page story doesn't mean that I hate Jesus and all people. In fact, I would argue that I love humanity more by stopping this INSANITY! Besides, I am yet to see the 11th commandment that states 'Thou shalt forward all emails about ______ (insert moral value here) post haste.' Yup, that fits right up there with 'Thou shalt not kill.'

I will even give you the fact that these uplifting emails do have their place - every once in a while and without the shameless reference to religious icons. I can take emails that are about religion and ones that are good-hearted stories. . . every once in a while. . .BUT without the side of guilt, please! No need.

And I'm back in the game. . .

So, a few people have noticed by absence from Blogger over the last while. I have to tell you, I have not abandoned my new favorite hobby nor do I intend to. The pressure was just too much. 'What pressure?' you may be asking? The pressure to be FUNNY!
I don't know if you have noticed but my blog links to the blogs of some of the funniest people that I know. (If you haven't noticed, you should check them out. Just a warning, you might pee a little.) So, being surrounded by hillarious people has sent me into a tailspin. I'm surrounded by whit and I am a dud. I can't let my readers down. Nothing amusing has really happened in my life. What is a blogger to do?
Then, it happened. One of my fellow bloggers (thanks Steph) reassured me that I don't always have to be funny. While it is probably better for mass-reading and entertainment purposes, it isn't necessary. I can write at will. At the very same time, one of the most respected bloggers that I know (the woman herself, the Nat Attack) wrote an inspiring blog about our armed forces. Humorous, nope. Incredible, yes. (Again, shameless plug. . . READ IT). It was the answer I was seeking all along.
So, while I am about to make what can only be considered a 'humorous' entry, you can expect something a little more sentimental around the holidays. Don't be nervous, you don't have to partake. I'm just saying that it will happen. I'm branching out and frankly, back in the game. . .

Quiz

You are walking through another department at work (very clearly another department since you don't recognize any of the people and you sit at the other end of the building) and you see a table of deliciously tasty treats that have just been delivered. Do you:

A. Keep walking. They obviously aren't your treats and it would be weird to ask for any, let alone just take some.
B. Stop and wait for someone else to take some. If someone else from another department is eating, it may not be such a big deal. Afterall, you may have missed that email to the company annoucing that 'treats have arrived, who's hungry?'
C. Talk loudly about how good they look and/or how hungry you are and wait for someone in that area to give you the 'go ahead' to start scarfing. Have some sympathy. . .
D. Pilfer and pillage to your heart's content. Afterall, they are on a table where you were walking with no sign that says 'Stop. Don't eat without permission.' So really, it's fair game. If they didn't want you to eat them, they should have hid them somewhere else.

I know what I would do but apparently, it's less common than I thought. This small act could end up being the reason that you sit at your own table at the company party so choose wisely. . .

S.W.A.G.

It's officially Christmas! How do I know? Well, other than the busy crowds and screaming kids. . . I get free stuff. That's right. Just like Michael Scott, I love SWAG (Stuff We All Get)!
So far this year, the vendors at work are sending some great stuff - I'm pretty impressed. Mostly, it's been stuff that my trainer would kill me if I ate (like chocolate covered marshmallows - what a concept people!) but I appreciate it none-the-less. Especially because it means that they think we are important. . .which is what I have been trying to tell them! Ha! Totally kidding. But it makes us feel that way which is what counts.
Merry Christmas to us. . love our vendors. And Merry Christmas to you - I hope you also get free stuff from people you have never met! It could be the best concept in business. Don't skip that chapter.

Things I've Learned

It's been a while since my last post but for sure, a productive week! A lot has happened in the World O' Carlee since the last time I blogged - work continued to suck last week amidst the frigid weather and snow flurries (which I developed my yearly hate for. . . AGAIN), I battled the crowds at the annual Hamblin Family Park City Shopping Extravaganza (title not official but I'm looking into copywriting it. . it flows) and I finally got my house cleaned (only under pressure of having visitors, mind you) for the first time in weeks! Oh, and I got some new CD's in the mail over the weekend - Keith Urban. . . Yummy! Another shameless plug. . . what are we to do?
Despite the fact that these may not seem to add up to a 'productive week' on your scale, some pretty random stuff happened that I feel can only be shared in what I am calling "Lessons Learned'. Give me some feedback on whether or not you like this format because I may have to make it a weekly installment!

Lessons Learned
1. Don't knock on a specific profession around people who's profession is unknown to you. If you think I 'get' to sit in a cubicle all day and 'play' on my computer, you are wrong. Don't knock on people who 'have' to sit in a cubicle all day and 'work' on their computer all day. And if you do decide to rag on my job, do it when I'm not in the room.
2. Don't pull a person's hair if you aren't 100% positive that they are the person you thought they were from the back. And if you do make the huge mistake of pulling an unknown person's hair, don't try to make it up by hugging them! Awkward. (BTW, just to clear this up, I was the pull-ee not the pull-er).
3. Don't judge people's social consciousness by their shopping habits. Just because I like to shop doesn't mean that I don't care about poor people. Who do you think gets all of my old clothes?
4. Don't make partial payments (you know, 1/2 mid-month and then the other 1/2 at the end of the month) on your mortgage unless you know that your lender accepts them as such. Otherwise, you get nasty notices in the mail that have words like 'delinquent' and 'help' and 'failure' and 'credit mark' in them for no reason. . . and you may have to make an extra house payment. Enough said.
5. Don't try to understand men. They are confusing. They say that they only really think about three things - food, sports and hmmmm, so they should be simple. But, I've figured out that since all things somehow have to relate to one of those three things, that's what makes them difficult. Get yours minds out of the gutter dudes. There is more to life than food, sports and. . . ok. . . boobs (using that as a total place holder).
6. Don't be 'That' girl. You know those girls that get anything that they want, regardless of past, present or future circumstances? They are the same girl that takes whatever they want with total disregard to other people's feelings. The world revolves around them and they know it. In fact, you can't help but be subject to their charm. Annoyingly perfect - which makes the rest of us 'non-perfect' folks squirm with jealousy or anger or whatever that fire in your gut is actually called. 'That' girl can also be found using 'that's just how I am' as an excuse for everything (several of the most common situations when this is heard include flirting with another girl's love interest - ok, flirting with anything that moves, being late for everything
or having a blatant disregard for people around them, usually leaving your internal monologue to shout 'Hello! I am here too!'.)
7. Finally, do live by the crucial life lessons brought up every week in 'The Office'. This week, I learned that prison is more fun and probably more productive than work.

There it is. . . my week in a list of lessons. If I ever do decide to write a book, I really think the chapters will take this format. Any insight? (Only respond if you think it's good. Otherwise. . . I don't care. Another lesson learned. . . )